Drums, love, life, and writing.

Desire

2011-07-31T15:01:00.001-07:00

Our will is driven by our desire, our desires are what we make choices by. If I desire to get my work done more than to hang out with people, then though I wish to hang out, I am going to go do my work. Now for us Christians, we have been freed from slavery to sin, and now we sit in the middle, to sin or not to sin. Here is where we act, Taste and see that the Lord is good, then follow Him with your whole heart.

Our motivation to follow God does not come from within ourselves, it springs from God Himself. Our desire springs from our memory of how good God has been in the past. I want to say something here, see if you can follow... I don't know if this is completely orthodox, so with a grain of salt...

Lets read James 1:14,15. " But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."

Now we are tempted when drawn away from life around us, lured, and enticed, and this is done by our own desire. Desire is what drives our will. Then when we decide to act out on our desire, we sin. Sin is not the action, it's the reason for the action.

Now if we act according to our desires, how do we change those desires? I have two answers...

Mat 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Rom 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

These are my answers, first, to change our our desires, our affections of the heart, we have to move our treasure, and transform our minds. This boils down to one thing, for our treasures are our desires. But what we buy into, that becomes our treasure. Mat 6:20 "but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal." We act this out, we lay up treasure... So how do we do this?

In this world, our desires, our wants, are constantly being conformed to the world. This is done by simply being around other people, they rub off on us, their desires become our desires, what they value becomes our value, so be careful who you hang out with... Now this is the answer, BE TRANSFORMED. In essence, be conformed to God, not the world. And we do this by RENEWING OUR MINDS, but in what Paul? Where do we renew our minds? Well it's simple deduction, it's communication. And God primarily communicates to us by His word. Paul is simply urging us to put some effort into changing what influences us.

Now how do we desire to change? How do we find the motivation to sit down and read a book? Who other people claim has changed their lives, but if it hasn't drastically changed our own lives, we find little motivation to read it. I propose that this is the story of our lives, most Christians really struggle with this, finding the drive to read and pray. So we say, "if God did something great in our lives, we would live such pure lives it would shame ourselves"... The basic foundation of this statement is motivation, we are saying that if God did something, we would be motivated to follow so much better. So pray for joy, pray for Gods joy to be poured into your life, believe the psalmist, TASTE and SEE that the Lord is good. Christ found his motivation in the joy "that was set before Him". But don't sit there waiting for God to pour into your life, take faith, believe God will speak into your life, and then read His word, expecting to find something that revolutionizes your life. Take Ps 1...

but his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree

planted by streams of water

that yields its fruit in its season,

and its leaf does not wither.

In all that he does, he prospers.

Now we see that the reason this man delights in the law(word) of God, is because he meditates on it. Day and night...

we can know this because, the tree is drinking who's water? Gods water or the worlds water? It's obvious that this illustration sets down for us the order, the man first reads, and then by drinking, by renewing his mind, his SOUL delights in the law.

I pray you will find this true, read the word, and wait for God to transform it. Then, obedience and delight will take flight, your desires will be changed, and temptation will not appear as convincing as it used to be, because its promises are no longer gold but silver, second best at best... Take this hymn to heart, "and the things of earth will grow strangely dim."

Do we believe that God is the most desirable being in the universe? Then why does Bryce Lechelt struggle so much with treasuring Christ above all things?

When Abortion Collides with Totalitarianism

2009-07-30T21:29:00.001-07:00

When Abortion Collides with Totalitarianism

Shared via AddThis

Here is an interesting article by Albert Mohler who is the president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. This is also an excellent blog to keep up to date on, very interesting to read these articles.

Atonement and propitiation.

2009-04-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

Lets think about the atoning sacrifice for a second. If it is true that Christ died for all men, then Christ's sacrifice, doesn't save anyone at all, it simply is not able to by the demonstration that people who Christ died for are in Hell as well as heaven. Atonement means the remission of sins, and the reconciliation of man to God. Thats what Christ's sacrifice did. Remission is the cancelation of a debt, so we are not sinful anymore, and the reconciliation part is the reunion or bringing together. Does Christ actually do this for all men? Is it possible that this is true... I Don't think Christ did this for all men, just by implication.

On to propitiation.

In Christian theology, propitiation is the work of Jesus Christ on the cross, by which He fulfills the wrath of God (both an emotional response of anger and a moral response of indignation), and conciliates Him who would otherwise be offended by our sin and would demand that we pay the penalty for it. The concept of propitiation is associated in some Christian theological systems with indemnity, imputed righteousness, and substitutionary atonement.

So in 1 John 2:2
He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.
And Again
1 John 4:10
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Can we really conclude that Christ is the propitiation for the whole world? Christ's death imputed righteousness onto us, we are no longer sinful in Gods eyes. So we are thus left with two options, either universalism, or Gods sovereign choice in who to save or who to not save.
Perhaps the speaker, John, is talking to the Jews and telling them that they are no longer the only ones chosen for salvation but also the gentiles, or maybe it is the spanning of salvation into different countries and cultures.
I think Mathew Henry says it well:
not only for the past, or us present believers, but for the sins of all who shall hereafter believe on him or come to God through him. The extent and intent of the Mediator's death reach to all tribes, nations, and countries. As he is the only, so he is the universal atonement and propitiation for all that are saved and brought home to God, and to his favour and forgiveness.

Taking into Account the speaker is John, he has made it very clear in John 6:39; 17:9-10, that only those the the Father gives Him are Christ's.

Double post, for when one won't do.

2009-04-01T15:40:00.001-07:00

The eternally frustrated God, who wishes that all would come to Him, but knows won't. If He's wishes it, but can't have it, thats got to be frustrating...

If we look at the world around us and contrast it with the fires of hell that the world deserves, we can see a huge show of Gods grace in daily life. For we see that every breath we take is an act of grace of God, we might have a much more grand sense of who God is. For we all deserve death the moment we sinned, yet here we are Breathing.. Here's the kicker, we were sinning when we were conceived. He gives it to all!

Stubborn to Move

2008-04-21T23:04:00.000-07:00

In the arms of my lover I rest.
Safe and secure I rest today
I have found significance.

My mind wrapped up in you.
Yet you find it better to love
and not think about those things.

Though I sit here wishing to know
why you love me the way that you do.
Sit down and help me understand.

Beckon me, beckon me to sit with you
to be with you and know you
to love you and follow you.

But here I still sit
waiting for you to sit down
and explain to me why you love.

Like the Israelites I sit and wait,
like Icarus I fly to high,
missing the point of life.

Right in front of my eyes.

The Spirit

2008-04-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

O how we chant
how we follow the law
to every letter, syllable.

We are the collective
a depressed collective
a legalistic collective.

We do not think
we thought
we blend.

But the joy of the Lord

We are not afraid
we sing and we shout
we are humble but bold
we are not deadly similar
we are an exciting community
we are shouts of joy and songs or praise
we are a fire, bright, alive, and contagious.

Now

2008-04-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

to be read quickly, aloud with intensity.

Come away
with me, lets go
adventure awaits
God is coming
to journey with us
to be filled with joy
and answer His call.

Take care
take care to hear
don't miss it
don't sleep through it
wake, wake up
He is here, now
come, come away.

Enter the gates
into His citadel
lets go now, today
fly and leap together
into His presence.
Away from this mirth
through the gates
into His embrace.

We are going now
up to His house
do not stay
do not stray
He is coming
and we are going
let us fly away.

Come now, go now
away to that place
don't forget where
you are going
and where you came.
Go now to His place
now to His presence.

Don't look, not away
keep your focus
keep your fervor
follow in trust
look on in earnest
never forget where
you go, and came from
go now, follow now.

Sleeping Rain Drops

2008-04-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

The thoughts in my head
slowly, fading away into the night.
My desires are becoming foggy.
My eyes are closing.

A slow musical piece
dripping in the background.
A slow pitter patter
on the window.
It is calling me to bed
waiting patiently for me to surrender
to it's deep soothingly mysterious calls.
To bed, to sleep, to bed, to sleep, bed, sleep.

The lights are dimly glowing
street lights casting through the shades.
Sitting with your friends
deep into the night
making quiet conversations
love and fantasy intertwine to transcending tales.

The rain is starting to fall now
it begins with a drip and a tap
on the window it makes those sounds.
Quiet at first, but turning into a droll
until so quietly absorbed
the conversation fails into a contented silence.

The thoughts are there
the words are lost
to those drips and drops that coax
the soul to quietness.
Thoughts of trust, love, beauty and hope
the silent words persist in their minds

till sleep takes them.

The power of words

2008-03-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

The power of words.

He who controls the past controls the present.

In the middle east there is a museum that disproves the holocaust.

People say and write that Christ didn't die on the cross, nor did He rise from the dead.

If I can control the past, then I can say and prove anything I wish, I can say the Jews were never in the middle east, I can say Hitler was a reformer who was right in his thinking because I want him to be right.

The book 1984 is a perfect example of this. Those who haven't read it probably should.

In this day and age comic books are becoming literature, why, because it is written down... In our politically correct new age thinking, what I have written is literature. If it is literature I can then quote it in a thesis statement and use it to no end to prove anything I wish. Of course this is ridiculing our post modern age, but there are serious flaws in it. The problem is that I can quote and use anything said by anyone to prove anything. I write a book about Christ and how he lived in a place and married a person, millions read it, and people believe it. Problems with this is that the book I wrote was completely fictional, and if the doubting people actually took the time to research all the facts used in it they would come to realize that the book is seriously flawed, mainly with its proofs. The reality is that the book being fictional was sold as fact and scientific, and the people selling it knew that it was fictional, but they aren't interested in being correct, they were interested in making a mess in the Christian world, and they were allowed to because of this stupid politically correct world of ours.

Giving Up On Love

2008-03-16T16:38:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been thinking about love and how it seems I'm not getting any. Not to say I am not, but as Erwin McManus says "When you give up on love, everything else seems to go with it, joy, hope, forgiveness, compassion, they're all interconnected". Over the last few days it seemed like I gave up on love myself. I would look into my heart and see absolutely nothing, blank.
A dark and empty void.

Today I wrote this in my journal.

I say I love, but my heart is
a devious thing, it plans evil
and works toward getting its
own ends. Alone it would
kill itself, but people do
surround it and it sets
itself upon them
working to kill
all who do
not go
with
it.

To end it now, would cause God less pain, and by doing that would I, could I, be accepted into His Kingdom? No of course not, it is pure foolishness to think this way because we don't understand the huge limitless love that God has for us, I wonder how much pain he feels when we believe that He does not love us because we hurt Him so much. "It may be hard to accept, but you are the object of God's love"E M.

Amazing to think of all the pain we cause God, yet He still loves us. Is it not a strange mystery, to hate God, who loves you dearly, who died for us, and who carries on into eternity with those who would love Him and follow Him. To the place He has created for us. Strange is it not?

Yet here I sit, following Him
to that strange land.

Whom have I but you?

Whom have I but you?

Whom have I but you?

Though the mountains fall,
they fall into the sea.

Whom have I but you?

Camrose

2008-02-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

I had an interesting thing today while driving.
I was driving towards Camrose and I wouldn't call it an urge, but I didn't really have any natural desire to keep myself alive (you know that natural instinct they call self preservation) well, for a few minutes I didn't have that and I started thinking about heaven, and what it will be like and what an awesome thing it would be if I was there right now. It was cool, until I thought that God probably wouldn't condone me driving into a semi. So I didn't, needless to say. The coolest thing however is that when I was thinking about being dead, I couldn't imagine it, I couldn't grasp not existing. Yes, it was weird to have absolutely no point of reference concerning a certain thing, feeling or experience. Very strange. However I must say that not being restrained by our instinct to preserve ourselves is quite freeing, but I wouldn't like to feel it too often. Of course I'm not suicidal, I just ponder things and try to experience what they might be like without actually doing it. You know, pondering, wondering...

wondering

2008-01-27T23:43:00.000-08:00

Often I wonder about love, many have said love is the one thing that can not be understood, yet I feel as if we refuse to understand it, not that we can't.
I say we can, we can understand love to such a degree, as to shrug it off and leave it for the birds.
That would be my scientific side talking, yes we know it's chemicals, and it's great for health.

Yet, I say we can never understand love, because Love is an attribute of God, and people can never fully understand God, not in this life, so it seems as if we are at a loss. 1 Corinthians 13 is fantastic in telling what love is. Yet we still struggle with this idea of love.
Is love that fuzzy feeling newlyweds have?
or the love of a father or mother to their son or daughter?
is it the love of a brother?
or the love of a grandma?
is it the feeling when children delight us in being good?
or the feeling we have for the boy in grade 9?
is it the feelings we have for God?
if all these things are love, then Love must be pretty broad, and if love is pretty broad then it is probably pretty specifically a general feeling we have for people if we get to know them. I would hazard a guess that if people would know each other more then there would be more love.
I wonder if love is not only for God, and then there is a special trickle down effect, of loving Gods creation, and people love other people the most because we are all the crown of Gods creations and the only beings on this planet made in His image.

Still what really is love?
Honestly can anyone know?

Temptation

2008-01-27T23:32:00.000-08:00

Do you hear that?
deep in our minds he speaks
Can you hear him?
whispering on the wind

Shh, can you hear him?
As clear as the dawn
he is in my mind
Satan is tempting us

It is quiet tonight
perhaps he is gone
but I lay my head
in on the breeze they come

Floating in my mind
rationalized reasonableness
a twist here, there
melting into transparent

He is in my mind
enticed, a cool breeze
action, dawn turned red
the sky set ablaze in fire

Turn away from it
intensity of the Son
my own heart turned away
to death and decay

he is in my mind
do you hear that?
Satan is tempting us
he is in my mind

dream

2008-01-20T14:56:00.000-08:00

I had a dream this morning, and rarely do I dream to such and extent and then remember the whole thing. I kind of think it is God talking to me but I'm not what He is saying to me yet.

It was set in the tropics, on an island, and it is kind of magical, many of these things I left out because they are irrelevant and probably a cause of my personality. There are three friends, they are all like brothers and sisters together. Two guys and a girl. I'll name them Fred, Gena, and Dave. Both Fred and Dave like Gena, and Gena knows this, in fact Fred knew this too. However they, Fred and Gena, kept this quiet and Dave never knew. Dave finds out later... Fred and Gena start to meet together alone during the early mornings and late nights, and it was always at this special tree that hung over the ocean, very beautiful. One night the two of them are having a good time talking and the like, and Fred pulls out a beautiful ring made of silver and having emeralds set in it, in rings. So it looked like a ring which had a small tower likeness on top of it, and that tiny tower, which was very short, had a roof like a Muslim mosque and that roof also was like a very small ring itself. Now this whole ring was set with circles of emeralds around it. With the giving of that ring Fred Promises to never stop loving Gena. Now Fred and Gena had both very rich and powerful fathers, and neither liked the idea of those two being in love, because parents find it very easy to read their children. So the two fathers rip the tree out of the ground and let it fall into the ocean, yet the tree never lost its leaves and shone in the water from the sun light, a problem with this was that Gena hid the ring in that tree. The next night Fred and Gena plan to leave, Fred's father has just found the ring missing and is furious, while Gena's father is planning on sending her away. Thus Fred and Gena leave for a few years, leaving Dave with the realization that Gena loved Fred, and that Fred also loved Gena, He is terribly distraught and driven into a terrible state of lonlyness. A few years later Fred and Gena return to their island home without the letting other people know. Gena always wanting to come back home and see her father again, and Fred planning on getting the ring back to Gena, although he had made a replacement ring which wasn't at all nice. The two were sitting by the ocean right in front of the fallen tree and Fred knowing it was time asked for the ring back, Gena looked astonished at him yet he gave no explanation to it, Fred just asked for the ring again, so Gena gave it to him. In a few moments there was a huge wave and it poured right over Gena and Fred. Gena was just as astonished to find that in her hand was a ring which she had long forgotten and with that ring came memories, memories from long ago. She was overwhelmed, so much in fact that Gena turned around and saw, Dave, a much older Dave to be exact. He said that he had to talk to her and about something serious. Dave told Gena that he loved her, and that He could not be without her, though many years had passed he had never forgotten her and had loved no one else since. Needless to say Gena ran away.

That was when I woke up, and I knew I fit in that story, I think I'm Fred, because I saw things sometimes from his perspective, literally. What I don't know is where Gena ran off. What happened next, and what I'm supposed to get out of this. Yet I do know that even after years it was extremely difficult for her to make a choice between the two.

I often wonder about hearts and how they can get mixed up in things and how we can get hurt so easily by trivial things. We need to be careful where we put our hearts and what we do with them. I have been a slave to the idea of love, to the desire to be in love for a long time, I can hardly remember a moment that I did not have a crush on someone. And these were not small either often lasting for years, many years.
I think I can conclude that I really do believe that God talks to us in many ways, sometimes strange ways too.

songs are more then poetry, so much more.

2007-10-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

You know what amazes me, the way a lot of bands that would be regarded as being bad or indecent come out with some really amazing things. One of the best examples of this to me right now is Evanescence, they really come out with thought provoking and challenging lyrics for a lot of their songs.

One good example of this is the song which deals with the guilt of blaming yourself for the pain of separation for a loved one. It is amazing how artists can be so frank with feelings and emotions. Songs really can open the door into the workings or a human mind and how we work through things, both the right and wrong ways.

"Lacrymosa"

Out on your own,
Cold and alone again.
Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me,
Set your guilt free.
Nothing can hold you back now.

Now that you're gone,
I feel like myself again.
Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

To let you blame it on me,
And set your guilt free.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

I can't change who I am.
Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me.
And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up.
My love wasn't enough.

And you can blame it on me,
Just set your guilt free, honey.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

I often find it scary how people can let go of things, and others they can't. It has been often recorded that a couple who have lived together for most of their lives will sometimes die within a few weeks of each other, the human heart dies along with the one it loves. A human is more then blood and flesh, we are connected on a deeper way than anything else in this universe, a way that nothing can ever compare too. In thinking this, who can ever tell how much pain a person goes through when their lover has lost their love for them and they are left alone for years, tormented, living yet dead at the same time.

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Thailand short report

2007-10-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

Well It has been a very long time since I have said anything, you might have just assumed that I had fallen off the side of the planet...

Well if the world was flat then you would have been correct.

Yes I was on the dark side of the planet, the crazy side, the side that just seems to be upside down in many aspects of all and everything... Interested?

Well in a short, fast 15 seconds, I went Prayer walking in Laos, spent a day in the shady border of Thailand and Burma, taught English to children, visited many missionary's, went to Bangkok, the beach and spent a many number of hours cramped between awesome Asians. Yah there was a lot of time spent in traffic, mostly because the max speed you can go on the roads is about 60 (mostly because either the roads are too curvy or I don't know), and there was a lot of distance between all the places that we went to.

We did five weeks of stuff in three, but it was awesome.

After all that the group leaders left for home and the rest of us stayed for an extra 4 weeks of vacation/heavy duty traveling. We first stayed at the beach for a few extra days and then headed to Bangkok by plane. After that we headed to the capitol of Cambodia for a few days, and then up to Angkor Wat, which is a wonder of the world and is really a spread out complex of temples built at different times. From there we flew to Singapore and spent a few days there shopping but not buying because everything was fairly expensive. From there we went into Malaysia to Kuala Lumpur and stayed for a few days, going to malls and events and buying things from both malls and markets. Then we went back to Singapore for a few more days to await our flights back to Bangkok. When we were in Bangkok we only had a weekend left and we spent the time hanging out in malls and shopping in Giant markets and buying lots of stuff. After that we hopped back on planes to Canada. It was really sweet.

So that's basically my short report on the trip. I have plenty of stories but there are too many to tell. Besides this is getting long already.

In all, it was awesome and very worth the time and money spent for the memories and perspective opening experiences.

Thailand

2007-08-31T18:17:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a while hasn't it?

I have some interesting news about myself, I think it's rather awesome.
I'm in Thailand right now and it's pretty sweet.
I went on a mission trip with Mount Carmel, and that has now ended, but a few others and I have decided to stay a bit longer for a relaxing holiday. Which has been great, but I'm a little burned by the sun right now, we spent yesterday on the beach. Today might be movie day because it'll be dark and cool in our rooms.
We plan on going to see Cambodia and Vietnam in the next few weeks and then back to Bangkok for our departing flights. But you never know about plans here our visas for vietnam might not work out.

Thats why I havn't been e-mailing or anything like that recently.

book review

2007-08-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, guess what.

Harry Potter rules, and I don't care what they say.

I just finished reading the last book last week and decided that it's amazing!

It's just really good writing and a great story, sure it's dark so maybe tiny kids shouldn't read it... but it's a classic and always will be. I encourage reading the books for enjoyment.

create

2007-07-31T22:28:00.000-07:00

You know what I find most interesting thing about creation? I think it has to be the idea of actually creating something.

When God created something, that's just it, he made something from scratch, without any reference point at all. It's insane. Humans are very limited when it comes to creating things. First there is the limitation of creating matter, hardest of all to do and easiest to prove. Next we have the creation of non matter, like an invention or an idea. We are unable to do that as well. Can you actually think of a new color without mixing others? Can we come up with the wheel without first seeing the rock roll down the hill. Can you invent something without borrowing ideas from other things. No, it's simply impossible. We as humans are not able to create anything at all, we can invent, we can build upon, we can form theory's by throwing facts and hypothesis together, but only God can create. The human race's knowledge is based upon building on facts, which have been proven.

Perhaps this might have all sounded crazy, but look into it yourself, can you actually create something without borrowing an idea from something else?

In light of that I think we owe God our humbleness.

lonliness, despair, and humanity.

2007-07-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

It is an interesting thing, to be left alone for a time, and too much time alone can kill a person.

I have been alone for a few days now, and it has been terrible for me.

I have nothing to do, all the things I found enjoyment in I now detest and find boring.

I don't know what to do with myself. I am lonely. I know I will get through this, but it is so hard to just be here and be alone.

Man is not meant to be alone, I can now feel this to the core of myself. There is so much truth in this statement that it is scary.

Yet, when people are in this house, I find no trouble in not paying attention to them and doing my own thing. I am not bored and I do not feel lonely. Just knowing that someone is here in case I need them is a huge thing. I wonder if it would be better for man to have an enemy instead of being bored, which would be worse?

I think that being completely alone would be worse, you would probably end up killing yourself, or becoming so enveloped and in twined within yourself that to meet someone would be terrible and you might become completely insane because of it.

Why does being around people keep up sane and help us to feel more complete, even if they don't talk to us much. What is it?

I would venture to say that being in a community is the most important need a human has. And if this is true then why? Why can't we be true hermits, sure there are hermits, but even they have to be in contact with other people at times.

Yet I see this whole thing as a complete indication to the human soul. Without a purpose we have nothing to stay alive, and it is these people who kill themselves. Suicide normally is a reflection of despair, lack of purpose, and a lack of love (in their perspective). Without purpose we are nothing. Yet animals tend to not share this trait. Yet more, being alone can be communicated by others to us, it is as easy as telling someone that they are not worth your time, separating them into a different class, maybe your the only one in that class... Maybe your the only one who truly doesn't fit in, and maybe your being told to leave forever.

To be separated, is death, and that may not mean death of a body, it is death of a soul, and then the body follows suit. It is true that a mans body withers away when the person inside loses all motivation to live any more.

The homeless people that we see today have no purpose, and we wonder why they do not, it is because we do not see them, we walk by without even looking.

Young Will in grade seven committed suicide because people hated him, Mary did because no one wanted to even look into her eyes. If only we looked at what our actions really could do to others before we made them.

The way I see it - starbucks cup

2007-06-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

Many people search blindly for the meaning of life. What they don't seem to understand is that life does not have meaning through mere existence or acquisition or fun. The meaning of life is inherent in the conections we make to others through honor and obligation.

A possible christian perspective:

I really liked this because it was a great example to me of how the secular world isn't necessarily a bad world, and this shows how close it can come to truth. To real truth.

Rhyme and Rrhythm

2007-06-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

A children's rhyme.

Basketball hoops

and dogs in loops

causing a fret

but don't regret

children are happy

the trees are sappy

causing a mess

who'd make a guess

munching on burgers

becoming burglars

imagination

back to your station

to sink a ship

with magic whip

O what a delight

it is to take flight

to be a child

and be set wild.

Pictures of Man and God

2007-06-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

Come with me if you want,

beyond this world and into the next.

We shall see things

you couldn't imagine

everything you desire

will be brought to you.

Look to the right, waterfalls

to the left, two suns

everything is under your control

fireflies lighting your paths

a lion conversing with you

as you walk to the great city.

Possibly there is a great empire here

one that you command and rule

the empire that you rule is in peace

tranquility found in every corner.

Look out your window and see

people scurry, birds glide, waves crash

the smell of flowers wafting inside

a golden haze from the setting suns

your servant glides past you

the taste of fruit entices.

As the sun sets you discover

that this was how life is meant to be

life was not about getting possessions

neither was it to be filled with malice

now let us sit down and decide

what the true purpose of life is.

What is the pension of a pigeon

or the salary of a swallow

who causes the sun to rise or fall

or the moon to cast nightingale?

Do you watch how water falls

onto a rock and casts off

over the heights of high cliffs.

Yet it is then forgotten

as it becomes the sea

it is the same with love

grand and once beautiful

it is forgotten in a quarrel

it's purpose is in Gods mind alone.

The waters power seen

and its beauty perceived

yet we quarrel over it

forgetting the ways of God

as we slander our way on

onward and into history.

History often repeats itself

we forget this each occurrence

yet from time to time

we look upon the beauty again

coming back to it's purpose

being astounded by it's figure.

People again causing questions

looking back on the legitimacy of God

debates again formed n the subject

ideas and "facts" formed, "theory" idealism

tolerance exhibited, embittered enemies

wars and fights, then all is forgotten.

Perhaps we stand only on an idea,

maybe a hope or ideal is in store

however if it all proves true

then the victory is ours forever

this destiny fulfilled and destiny

it rises in believers to perfection.

Those people who once stood in shame

are then revealed to be sons of God

they will smell of roses and fruit

they will walk with justice and love

they will be true and light hearted

their eyes will glow and show true joy.

At the end of time

they will be the victors

at the end of time

they will be glorified.

knowing our death

2007-05-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

It was a good thing that God did not decide to let us see our deaths, for some of us would go on sinning, some would stop, others would die right then, and God wouldn't really be giving us free will after that. Letting us emotionally experience our own death before it even happens is a cruel thing to do, it could be compared to day dreaming your parents death and feeling the pain that comes from it.
Yet I do find myself wishing I could know, and then work for God because I knew death was coming and working hard for God, because there is no greater dread then knowing what kind of bad things are coming, like probation's, spanks, dog bites, falling, or breaking bones. Yes fear, the great motivator.
Let us be thankful that God is a God of love, mercy, and jealousy. Guarding us, bringing pleasure to us, and simply filling us up with energy and love. Is it not healthy for us to reflect on how good God has been to us? A true way to become humble. Which brings me to a funny quote.
""Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast."" [Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen]

Back to the real point of deaths foreknowledge. A terribly comic example would be an old man dieing of heart failure, because he saw his death coming and was terribly distraught by it, so he fulfilled it's prophecy because he was scared of that prophecy. Another thing is that by seeing that you die at 78, you might become an extreme risk taker because you know you won't die until 78. I wonder how much our persona would change because we saw our own deaths. I imagine no one would be the same, and how many would change for the worse because of it?
Really it's a good thing that we never see our own deaths. What if I wouldn't want to die like that, and I tried to kill myself? hmm I wonder if you went around trying to change it constantly, yet never succeeding, does that mean your freedom of choice given by God would not exist any more? I imagine so, it's a restriction, which is just another way of saying it.
I guess knowing our own deaths is all-round bad.

cycle

2007-05-05T23:03:00.000-07:00

Today was an interesting day.
Filled with sad things, happy things, breaking things and fixing things, buying and not buying.
A typical day off, completely on my own, and enjoying life's simple pleasures.
Typical even to the point of my sins. I did however have an interesting re-introduction to the ways the devil lies and deceives us.
Before I sinned today, I was conversing to the devil, or one of his many crafty employees. He was trying to convince me to do ___ and used a variety of methods to get me to do it. I hope most of us have experienced this, or I am an unfortunate soul. Anyways, as I was saying, the whole time I could see right through what the demon was saying, yet because he just got me thinking about it I did it. Horrible isn't it, they always need our willing consent before we do something wrong, they can't simply make us do it, they have to convince us to do it, promise satisfaction, happiness, peace, even joy. All we get in the end is an empty feeling, an addiction, disconectedness from God, and possibly the sting of guilt. Which is then used to torture us even more by those demons. Yes this horrible spiral of sin we seem to always be stuck in is horrible, yet contemplatively interesting. As interesting as thinking about how people "push the buttons" of their spouses, especially seeing that they have to live with them after the act. It's also as interesting as observing that a tourist is as much or more stressed during his vacation then before and after.
Yes, I love determination. It is sad however that we humans rarely see into the future long enough to recognise that sin will kill us and it's not worth anything at all because, it is all sub-standard and not comparable to the gratification of living a pure life with God. O how I wish that I looked into the future each time the devil was on my shoulder.

thank you

2007-05-04T23:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, everyonce in a while, we find it hard to express ourselves.
Our ideas, our emotions, our fantasies and dreams, even the things we hold sacred or holding an indirect meaning to ourselves. In my own mind I think one of the hardest things to communicate is gratitude. This is of course, not the simple handshake or thank you.
I mean those times when someone does something for you, and all you want to do is break down and relate to them how wonderful the thing they did was. We are overcome by this huge emotional need to thank and convey true gratitude to them. But rarely do we actually do this. I think this is mostly because we do not want to make a scene, and don't want to feel awkward. Although, this might also be a protection for our necks. We might not do it because we are afraid to let this thing out which is so close to our hearts. Perhaps that person will take our open heart and stab a hole in it with a sad remark or a snappy attitude. We don't know what will happen to us and letting our guard down like that might just be asking for trouble. Who knows, it's illogical that someone would do that, but it's also possible. But hey, people are irrational too. Seeing that it's more likely to get hit by lightning then be attacked by a shark, and were scared

We can be sure of one thing though, we know what were like and most people aren't all that different then ourselves, so they probably would react the way we would. Lets keep that in mind.

Just because and implications.

2007-05-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

Impulse
Is it not an interesting thing, we have impulses. We want something... in an instant your mind goes from something to something else. Perhaps from abstract to lusting, in an instant. Bang.
Specifically where did "the impulse of want" ever come from anyways?
Seriously, when did we start wanting things that we don't have. When did people start being selfish?

Interesting that supposedly decent behavior is never dealing with this impulsive desire to gain.
In fact it normally is founded on an idea of putting others in front of you or making them more important then yourself.
Strange.

Another strange thing is this crazy fight within us, you know the shoulder angel and devil. I find it mostly crazy that these two things being; feelings, thoughts, desires, even knowledge, are in such conflict with each other. Really deep down it's this idea we have in ourselves of telling other people, by our deeds, that they are special and deserve good treatment, or that they are not important and deserve no special treatment from ourselves. Every day we are telling people whether they matter or not by our deeds. Really it boils down to this. If there were no other people, then being selfish and prideful wouldn't matter at all, those words wouldn't even exist. It only matters when we bring other people into the picture. That's why we always need to be in control of ourselves, and that includes our impulses.

Pain: The gift nobody wants.

2007-04-07T00:23:00.000-07:00

"If I held in my hands the power to eliminate physical pain from the world, I would not exercise it. My work with pain-deprived patients has proved to me that pain protects us from destroying ourselves. Yet I also know that pain can destroy, as any visit to a chronic pain center will show".

"Having spent my life among people who destroy themselves for a lack of pain, I treasure these signals. Pain signals in stage one report in loudly and insistently so that their message will seize consciousness and bring about a change in behaviour. To silence the signals before changing behaviour is to invite the risk of far greater damage: the body will feel better while getting worse".

Having read this book I mostly agree with this, that pain in it's largeness is normally a good thing. Sure there are exceptions, like terminal patients who experience pain only as a reminder of their coming death. But if we did not feel pain, we would essentially be lepers. Wouldn't that be exciting. For now all I can do is suggest that you read the book, it is rewarding and thought provoking. Thank God for pain.

To God

2007-04-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

In the depths of my soul
searching in for purpose
something I can rely on
something I find fulfilling

passions stirring in my heart
this filled cup's spilling over
my souls caught in eternity
beauty beyond understanding

Caught in your gaze I am
this love has no direction
no boundaries my eyes see
air's true, now there is no air

The only sky can be your face
shining these truest colors
delighting onto my cheeks
love founded to be true anew

do not leave me falling to dark
blackness shall fill my spirit
craving with no deliverance
the only sky can be your face

a time for hate.

2007-04-06T23:06:00.000-07:00

You know what I hate?
I hate how sin gets into us and changes us.
I hate how sin is just a tweak, and that it's destructive.
I hate that sin is a tweak, and so it doesn't seem bad.
Yet it's taking us away from beauty that we should have,
a beauty that really gives us amazing rewards,
things better then a simple poor excuse for a
rewarding experience.

beautiful

2007-04-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

Think. Think contemplatively.
Where would you right now, find the most serenity?
What do you see right now in your mind, where are you traveling right now?
Contemplative,
It's an interesting word.

Let me paint you a picture, I am sitting beside and beneath a waterfall. The sun is shinning, and it's a warmly hot day, perfect for the mist to come down and gently caress my face, almost as if someone is comforting you softly. But wait, no, it's us we are both sitting there, the sun poking holes in the shade, their dance ordained by the winds soft currents. There are butterflies, baby blue, yellow, cherry purple, and monarchs. They don't speak to us, but it's almost as if they are easing us to lie down, lie close and watch the trees sway while being calmed by the gentle thunder of the waterfall up ahead. The moss soft, mountains stretching far, clear blue skies, and rich soil. Time for a sleep, time for a nap, just ease those eyes shut, don't close them fast or you'll wreck the moment, our sentences trailing off into enjoyed silence. We are at peace, life is perfect for these moments, God seems to have come down, life stills, the water has slowed down to a crawl, and then stops. We have fallen asleep, peaceful sleep. Where we can relax and dream about the perfect moments in our lives (if you want you can take that moment now), just like the one that just passed.
Dream if you want for a minute.

What a wonderful world we live in, what an absolutely wonderful world, where we can all get along and live, where we can see beauty if we choose to.

The most beautiful thing I have ever seen, most people think is ugly. The most beautiful thing I have heard of is grotesque, the most wonderful thing I could thank for is appalling.
Yet we live in a world of beauty. The second,

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,

But I do know what to do, I can go after you, and love you, and Cherish you as a person whom God created, who God made in an image like himself, a being who is unique, special and divine, even with all your shortfalls, you have one thing on me, your you. I may not be able to live with you, or have a family with you, but your you and we could be deep, deeper then spouses. You would be as a brother or sister to me, and our relationship pure, pure as gold.
We live in a beautiful world.
It just needs a little light, a little light so people can see it clearly. Perhaps this world is so beautiful that we might, as people, aspire to be beautiful too.

Losing our spiritual abilities and senses

2007-03-12T01:04:00.000-07:00

"What can you see" says the man who cannot see. But the deaf man said nothing , for he was choosing to ignore the blind man. The mute man became angry at the deaf man, and signaled to him that he should say sorry. The blind man had no idea of what was going on, but was glad to hear the apology. The deaf man thought this whole thing was useless and voiced his opinion to the two others. The mute man thought of an easy way to get out of their predicament, but the blind man didn't see him signal any of the words and began to walk away. The deaf man had no idea the blind man was walking away, and became frustrated when he saw the mute man throw a stone at the blind man to get his attention. The blind man got fairly annoyed at the mute man for not being able to see the rock coming, he knew it wasn't the deaf man because he would have just called out. Finally the mute man sat down due to frustration by having become stumped for words to say.

I find this story holds many truths about life for us. We are sometimes one of these men, or all three. As we walk through life we may become blinded by pride, muted by shame or guilt, and deaf because of the distractions that fill our lives. The worst part is that we never were born like this, but we choose to become this way, were not blind, we just don't choose to look, Although to people around us, it seems we are blind. Working together, and with God requires that we are able to hear see and speak, other wise we will end up getting nowhere.

hundred years

2007-02-24T23:14:00.000-08:00

Laying down to slumber
Will I rise again tomorrow

who can count the stars
who can feel the life inside
other then you, only you
let the mind rest, to sleep

To sleep, quiet, relaxation
the body receives it's rest

the mind battles to be awake
the body gives up in despair
I to rest I to rest forever, no
but my soul will not disagree

If it were only possible today
to sleep a hundred years now

could I, if only today resting it
my mind finding peace for now
and then falling, slipping, quietly
into a hundred years, at peace

taking a leave of absence, hundred
coming again to a different world

relearning how to live, to live life
absence taking a toll and addiction
wanting sleep again, no, needing it
it's powerful escapism, today, now

to sleep a hundred years this day
to never find a peaceful rest again

blinding himself

2007-02-17T22:16:00.001-08:00

Who am I that in Gods eyes
I am considered created good
Yet I see myself as who I am
God has blinded himself to me
How can He love yet not look
He would see me, rotting away

Would I blindfold myself and kiss
Could I blind and kiss death now
If I did could I love it, not know it
would kill me later on tonight now
That is what my savior did, if He
only know what he was doing then
perhaps he would have refused it
and not blindedly love our races
death itself would wed Christ now
how can He love death, I am it.

tree of death
tree of life
bound together
forever A cross

Would not God Amighty forbid it
Would not sinners mock it now
Our race, bound to die in death
To death we may stay, for in God
Hope to be lost now, He tricked
many who sought life, now to it
Death for them, God can't love
something he does not see
He does not see us for we
us for ourselves not evermore
God can not love a lie, now
God can't love a sinner now
Because all he sees is white
But I am black, wearing a white lie
God covered me with that lie.

Talk about God.

2007-02-05T21:13:00.000-08:00

My friend a few days ago just reminded me of a fear that I've always had, what if heaven is a lie?
What if it's really a lie, and a set back, a let down, something we might find to be hell.
What if Hell is where the fun loving people go and heaven the place where good devoted people go.
Here's to you Matt. Lets hope it all works out in the end, and it's not an eternity of sing a longs.

On other matters, the mentioning of the over use and slaughter of the word love caused me to think (mentioned in comments on my last post). It was important enough to the Greeks to have five words for it. Should we not have ten or so? This is English right, we need ten, mostly because our language sucks a lot. We need more words, and these words need to mean stuff not just object things or act things....

Some people have pointed out to me that Christian blogs are retarded, the points were valid, very valid and I completely understand how they would be frustrated by our Christian chit chat, and blah blah about love, God, life, blah. I do sympathize with them, I really do. However in my defense, I wonder what is worth writing about. Surly science, perhaps pop culture, maybe architecture, or philosophy, is worth writing about.

What in life is actually important enough to write about.

But,
Maybe
just maybe
The reason why Christians are so talkative about God is that, he's all we need, he's our strength, our peace, our soul, our way of life, our ability, our silence, our deeds, our life, our energy, our breath, our everything. Our God. Our GOD, OUR GOD!

my God, your God. He's still the same person, that same guy up there reading this with us right now.

He's someplace we can all meet together, on a flat plane we can meet and communicate without any walls in the way. The one place we can really communicate. It aint no wonder all Christians do is talk about Him. He's the connection that all brothers and sisters have with each other.

People search for meaning, there He is.
People search for depth, there He is.
People search for understanding, there He is.
People search for life, there He is.
People search for hope, there He is.
People search for faith, there He is.
People search for LOVE,
People search for taste,
People search for thought,
People search for wonder,
unity
gifts
ability
strength
safety
purity
People search for God, and there He is. Really! He’s RIGHT there.

This is what I say,

Who made Adam? God did
Who made Eve? God did
Who deserves our life? God does
Who created us? God did
Who deserves the right to throw us to the lions? God does
Who is Love? God is
Who is power? God is
Who makes the rain fall and the skies thunder? God does.
Who deserves to be talked about for-ever? God does.
Who is Grace? God is.

We don't deserve nothin, so people who want to talk about science, let them, people who want to talk about their days journey, let them. Let people talk about anything they want, especially if it matters to them. But I reserve the right to talk about God. And I will not sit down.

raceismist

2007-02-03T00:47:00.000-08:00

Do you judge me
Do I judge you.

I'm traveling towards the sun
Beauty turned to destruction

Who sees me flying with everything I have
Who can stop me and my flight to chaos

Can I stop myself
Will I stop myself

I am a racist
we are all alone
stuck in our racism
looking for a way to get out
finding ourselves portraying lies
portraying our stereotypes genuinely
I am not willing to step out into the realness
I cannot find the will to break my own stereotype
How do we then stop the deluge of a racial stupidity

We were meant to be something good
we've turned ourselves into a monster

our own selves into machines that kill people
we destroy everyone in our path to conformity
then expectations of people to act differently
the expectations never fulfilling expectations

Life will never be the same

Life will always carry on now

Except the ones who kill themselves

Except the people who jump off of it

Except our friends who are murdered

Except our buddies who fall to them

Except the friends who are blotted out

Except the ones who are thrown away

Except our people who have to run away

Except our friends who live afraid now

Except for the people who are lost now

My society is such a poor place to be
My love for it lies in its empty promise
Of peace, love, joy, happiness, equality
Who am I to stay in such an awful place
How can I accept the things which happen
Without standing out and calling for justice
Who am I to sit and watch the streets flood
People coming from all around calling for blood
Where the people are treated like animals
Where I can not find safety for friends
neighborhoods split by nationality
disparity is the king of all now
we have but one law
do as I say
Now

The streets may not be crawling with people looking for a fight because of their pain. But one day it will happen, and when it does it will be a sad day indeed. Peace to reign, well without God there is never peace. Canada is around 10% Christian, we need a miracle to turn this country back to God. Something bigger then we've ever seen before. Racism is only a start.
What comes next I don't even want to think about.

Remember to Pray for Canada.
And always keep Darfur in your prayers as well.
Remember to pray for sex trafficking.
and always keep armed conflict in your prayers.
Don't forget the poor living ten blocks away from us.

Time Over Frivolity

2007-02-01T22:43:00.000-08:00

I was just watching The Office today, and in came Krista. It was good to see her, really good. It reminded me of a few things that I have been neglecting. Primarily her.
I was reminded of three things. The first being that I have been wanting to hang out with her, the second was that I had promised to hang out with her, and i have failed that promise, the third being that she really deserves to have attention anyways. The fourth of course feeling bad about not hanging out with her when I should be, cause she's so awesome.

So I am sorry, and we should hang out some time soon...

On a lighter note, I want to sit and ponder about the way life seems to direct us into focused alleys, where we miss out on all the life that is going on around us.

Wouldn't life be much better if we didn't focus so much on making money and decided to use that extra time to hang out, go on cheap trips, give your wife a night well deserved, love a man stricken into poverty by the worlds selfishness.
Would any of these be better, more fun, more exciting, more relevant, and more moral? Why do we as Americans and Canadians, decide to work hard to make money, so we can buy the nice tv so we can rest for a few hours before going to bed to work another 11 or 9 hours. Why not instead, live with a few people, work 8 hours, live a little more modestly so we can help Billy (who lives just outside our window) get up on his feet again.

A wise man, my age, once said, today, that we share when we have nothing, and we stop sharing when we don't need to. Once we become self supporting we want to stay that way. but wait, were not really self supporting at all when we think about it. We specialize in one or two things. the rest we have no clue about. The settlers, they were self supporting, and even then not so much...
We share a culture, a city, a house, a block, a cable connection, an apartment. We share pretty much everything in our lives, except our tv, or our car, or our sink. We hold onto those things and don't let anyone use them very much, we say you can't take this away from me, it's all I have... And in a way it's completely true. They are the only things that are ours. What if we shared those as well? What would actually happen if we shared everything, even our shoes? Well we would probably have ten times less the TV's, half the shoes, maybe a quarter the coffee machines... hmm maybe working 8 hours a day doesn't seem so crazy?
The fact that life is only important when based on people we care about is killing us. If life were based on getting the most money, then we would be doing great. but were killing ourselves, now, right now. Were letting life slip away by wasting our time on things that don;t matter. Advancing to the next level doesn't matter when our brother is dieing. Lets face it, crises brings us to realize what is really important in life.

As one other person once said.
"a life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw.

When were making money, were not making right choices, were not even making mistakes. but were choosing to not choose, which is a choice. Were choosing to waste our lives away by not taking action.
Money is just one example. What we really need to do is check what type of things in our lives are sucking our time away because of frivolity. What is stealing our life time away?

A picture of "sin"

2007-01-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

I want to take a minute and talk about sin. Just a minute of your time please, it'll only be short, possibly long, and probably a devastating

SIN

Who said that? Who said that unmentionable word? Why would anyone ever want to know about this, we've all made up our minds as to what it means!

So, to be honest, what are we doing? Why do we ever need to mention the word sin?
The world wrote that off a while ago as a myth, the church never mentions it, they're trying to forget about it by focusing on the 'Joy of the Lord' or cute things like 'God loves you' maybe something like ' he'll save you, and forgive you'. Were weeding it out of our christian culture and replacing it with fluffy things.

I'm not here to poke holes in the church, there is a lot wrong with the church, but we can get by without making the holes any bigger. They're already there.

sin is an interesting thing, how often do we think about it? The world as I said doesn't believe in it, teachers are taught that kids aren't in essence evil, but are completely good, and are little flowers ready to blossom...

First of all kids are inherently evil, and the normally are already manipulating their parents before they even start to talk. That's for sure.

We know two things, sin is wrong, and we are prideful. We, being prideful, view ourselves as better then others, or even God. That's how we got selfish.
Sin is the idea that we do things against Gods Will. His Will is the actual one truth for our lives, the only proper way to live, the best way to live. Best because it is the most Joy-filled, friendship and love orientated life. People can only find real purpose in life by creating something that lasts and has influence. Friendship and love are the highest forms of these.
So sin really is saying that God doesn't want the best for us, and we need to find our own way, a better way, a way God never thought of... So sin is rejection of God, and his ways, which of course really should be our ways. So really pride is sin, and sins roots lie in our own pride.

Here's an interesting thing. We as human beings have needs, God created us with desires of purity, and our needs are right Noble and proper, God made us with them. So sin is the action of trying to fill our Noble and right needs with our own models of fixes to these needs. Putting a box in a circle... It kind of fits, and works for a little while, but never actually covers sufficient area of the circle. So we find a better shape, maybe an octagon, (traveling deeper in sin) it almost fits right, but still not quite. So we go through our lives trying to find our own circles that fit right, but we never do because nothing is exactly the right shape. Oh we can get close, we can get real close, close enough to feel great. Subbing God for Love is a good one, we can go through our whole lives feeling almost prefect.... So that means that sin is the search for right things or ways, but using the wrong methods.
We move through our lives looking for happiness, actually looking for joy, but never truly finding it. Our own devices give us happiness, which eventually goes away. But were looking for Joy, and joy is a little like happiness because it gives us enjoyment, but also gratification that we found the perfect shape that fits in the right way.
So Christians lose their joy when they sin and become separated from God, they take out the circle and put in a heptagon. After a while a feeling of emptiness arises, and they normally repent ( ask forgiveness for their deeds and express desire to be back with God) and put the circle back in. Filling them up again to full... They become separated from God, because they tell him to go away, they have a better way. Rejecting Him.

So we look for better ways even though there are none, while always saying we have the right way to live. Sin is a twisted form of truth, made a little different by us, that truth is a genuine and very right desire, but perverted.
Lets try to remember that when people ask us about dieing children in Africa, don't respond, they sinned, they deserve death (which is true). Even though it's true, it'll be taken very badly, normally because the people around us don't believe in God and find sin to be a myth of the last centuries, and it doesn't sound very caring of other people.
So we deserve death? Of course we do, but the only reason is because were sentencing ourselves to death.
Lets remember these things.

Gods pain.

2007-01-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

Life is a strange thing, why is it so simple, so complicated and normal all at the same time?

Recently I have been thinking about emotional scars. I was just reminded of one that I have a few days ago. And it hit me. Wow God is amazing.
We give each other pain by using, abusing, fighting, betraying etc. These hurts don't go away, and when they heal, they never heal properly, they still show what had happened and those scars can stay for a long time. Years and years after the event. But over time they heal properly, normally, not always. We hurt from these, and they change the way we act around others, we don't want to get more hurt, we have enough to deal with. Here's the interesting thing, rejection and betrayal are the worst, they did like you, but now they don't, or they did like you, but your not good enough now. Simply put they go deep, deeper then most things ever go, and can change your life forever. Sometimes, when someone rejects you, you get mad, and lash out, maybe not, maybe we plan to destroy and hurt back. Maybe we just harbor grudges against them for the rest of our lives. Not with God.
Isn't it amazing that God; steps out, lays out his heart for us, creates us, and loves us, gives us that choice of loving him, then we step away, tell him he's not enough, and run away with is heart. We constantly hurt God, Were hurting him right now, were wishing for the Iphone instead of his love, or were planing how to get a girl instead of asking Gods will. All we mostly seem to do is sidestep God, and carry on. Yet he doesn't lash out, he doesn't take back his heart and wipe us out. He sent His Son, we killed him. He sent his creation, were destroying it. He sent us his friendship, we ate the apple. He created us, we killing ourselves. And it's all a statment of rejection against God, were stabbing him, and we keep pushing the sword deeper. No we won't stop, because were short-term minded stupid people.
Were prideful, enjoyment seeking, selfish beings who should all be burned forever by God's wrath.

We deserve supernatural spite,
were never getting that at all,
instead we'll take a sip of sprite.
Then watch Jill practise bBall.

Were terrible people, but sinners covered by grace some how look like good people who do good things. Thanks be to God for his lacking of Justice, and excess of grace.

Desire

2007-01-04T21:51:00.000-08:00

What
are
we
doing
today ?

What
are
you
doing
today ?

Where is that good old desire...

Why do people say that life is unfair, what gives them that idea?
People have said that life is a strange thing, now that is of course true, but why?
Why is life strange? why is desire for fairness strange or weird?

Isn't it weird that trees grow up instead of out?
And that beaches are really just fish pooh?

Isn't it weird that some trees grow flowers and some don't?
Or why they do at all... And why do most plants grow flowers?

Why don't we ever ponder these things? Sure, we know plants make flowers so bees come, but which came first the plant or the bee? Which plant suddenly decided to make flowers, and which bee became the first to inspect a flower for food? When did that food start to be produced for the bees?

I'm just saying, sure we know the science of these things, we know how they work. Great, so now we can use them, but knowing what something does never really truly explains it's own existence. Why is it here? The tree, for example is here to, well, be here, it has no real purpose, so why does it want to keep living? What gives it a desire to live that makes it fight off viruses and other things, or develop thorns over centuries? Does it feel pain? If not, why? If it does, that's terrible.

So where does desire come from?

No matter how much we may believe in evolution or not, there is no place in it for the creation of desire, neither the desire for food, or the desire for sleep, or the desire of anything, even the desire for life. We must remember that the desire to stay alive must have been present in the very first cell, otherwise it would not stay alive. To desire to keep on living can't be created by evolution. The cell wanting to stay alive would be a decision of conciousness, that first cell would not feel concious, nor would it have a brain to even think about desire. Seeing that pain is the response of our bodies to protect itself, which is in itself a desire, it is impossible to create. It is impossible for pain to exist, yet it does. A created machine can't have desire to keep itself from damage unless it is pre-programed to do it. and it can never create that because it has no ability to rationalize or think. The desire of self preservation is impossible to be self-created. Even a little program in a cell (the very beginnings of thought) can't be created because it would be useless for a long time before it did anything at all, and evolution is the slow advance by small steps, but all the steps have to be immediately useful each step... to that "yes or no" mechanism, for the beginnings of thought, would always be weeded out. Remember that it is a step by step thing, not a number of steps by a number of steps. so a thinking machine couldn't be created, only a thinking part, needing the rest of the machine to fully operate. Which means that the thinking part would be weeded out. Now, not only is it impossible to start wanting to live, but it is also impsooible to get a "brain" to even think about wanting to live.

What i'm trying to say is that desire to live can't be created by a being, a being can't be mutated to be able to desire anything, and that deisre really should not exist.
It all comes down to, what came before such and such. if desire is not created by us, or our so called ancestors, then where did it come from. The idea of desire is simple to us thinking beings, but try coming up with desire without the ability to think.

So where does desire come from?
Even the most simplest of desires?

Funny how a flower looks so pretty,

I'm sorry if you got lost in this, when I was working on it last night
half of it got deleted, so I had to try and tie my arguments back together with very little time on my hands.

Perhaps a weird thing like intelligence.

purpose

2007-01-03T13:20:00.001-08:00

It seems like everyone reefers back to last year for some reason to bring out the new year. The funny thing is that I'm going to do it as well and even though everyone does I will too.

Last year took me through a lot, and half of that stuff was interesting. The other half was not worth anything. It seems that my life is split into three areas. sin, repentance and becoming right with God again. That's what last year was, just circle after circle of that, again and again. So, I'm going to say that last year was a year full or regret, tears, a few times of great joy, and monotony. There was also summer camp which was great.

Yes that was last year.

So why go on? I don't really expect anything very exciting to happen. so why go on?
I'm saved right. so I'm all good if something terrible happens to me and I die. To see God I need to die. Right?

So what keeps us all going?

I think other then the commandment for us to love others and live for God until our time comes there is no reason. Which kind of makes sense when there are so many people working hard to not think about the futility of their work or hobbies... And those that don't find something to keep their minds off it find that they are crazy or depressed. now these are big generalizations and they will stay like that because of course there are exceptions...
The only thing that keeps us going is the love of Jesus both for us and us for him.

I guess that's why we need to start our days and keep our focus on him all the time or we might get caught.

life love christ-mass

2006-12-21T16:30:00.000-08:00

This season seems to be such a cop-out, I don't even want to know how it got like this, but tomorrow Canadians are supposed to spend 2 billion dollars and 7.5 million of them will be shopping...

Time, doesn't anyone have the time right now? Why do we spend our days building cash flow and getting stuff? Don't we have anything else better to do?

But wait isn't life all about getting stuff and having fun? Isn't the pursuit of happiness the gift of God, to us, for our pleasure, and were supposed to just have fun.

I hate this season and I love it at the same time.... don't you?

So, with that Merry Christ-mass
lets keep it like that, and really focus on the meaning.

Making sense of Hell and Gods 'judgment'.

2006-12-11T23:25:00.000-08:00

When faced with Eternity what do you do?
I found myself just thinking about hell today, not only because we were covering it in class but because, it's just something I spend time to think about. I'm going to try and show how God in the Christian sense can be thought of as good, yet still have people going to Hell. I find it interesting when people talk about God being bad because he sends people to Hell. Have they ever thought about it for a long time? have they really even entertained the thought? or is it some push over reason to say no to God, any Christians who are pushy bigots 7/8Th's of the time. But we need to look at this question, is God good? Does he send us to Hell? The worlds view of hell is a fiery vast place where your burned forever in torment. The thing to remember here is that throughout the bible fire is used as a symbol for judgment. Most people when talking about Hell view it as a place where people are sent to be punished for their wrong deeds, or are forced to go. The Christian view that I understand is that we are not forced to go at all, and if there is any choosing of where were going, it's up to us. Let us presume the teachings of the bible, God is purely good, and only good, he can not tolerate evil in the least. Lets take me, i've sinned, and I still view myself as a good person, but God can't be with me. If I walk around saying I hate Gordon, he's an ass, do you think gordon will want to be my friend? No of course not, and it's the same with me, even if God views me as a fairly good person, i'm still going around half the time saying I hate God (this is why we try to sin less so we say I HATE God less) and his desire for me to be perfect, but, I do have the ability to be perfect. Yet, I'm not perfect. However God will forgive all that, isn't it interesting. There is only one unforgivable sin, and that is blaspheming against the spirit. Or in normal language, not accepting God (which includes Jesus[but how can you acknowledge someone if you have never heard of him? God judges us on our knowledge of him, He is in nature too.]) for who he is... Hell is separation from God, and that is only because we reject him. So he honors our choice and lets us leave him. Of course I believe this is the absolute worst thing that there ever could be, but to those who don't like God, it's not so bad right. It is after all only getting what we want right? Some people believe that God eventually turns around and accepts everyone. well I don't think this is right, manly because it's not giving the people what they want, which is what God promised us. Let us suppose that God loves us, now in human terms sometimes loving someone means letting them do harm to themselves. Normally this is to teach themselves a lesson and is controlled. But God is love, were not perfect at all. Gods love is pure, that means he loves us with an inconceivable amount of love which never ends, so when God gave us a choice he loved us so much as to let us actually make it. Not just make it and then have Him turn around and stop us from choosing the "wrong" one. He loves us so much as to respect our choice even if it means our destruction or painful death in the dessert or by flames or anything. He promised to give us a choice and he will carry our choice out for us. But don't just think that, God loves us, and so to send us away to hell is probably harder on him then us seeing that he knows everything about us and loves us. Isn't that something crazy?
But, truly amazing!
Perhaps I sound a little lovy dovy, perfect fuzziness, cute God, but I am deathly scared of Hell. I'm just trying to explain this so God is seen as loving, not some tyrant, but who's going to say to God, you can't do ____ to me! What right do we have to say that? And, what less do we deserve but Hell.
God's one thing for us is to love him, recognize his presence, and to become a friend... more then a friend, a lover, and being who is to join in perfect unity and companionship forever.

Separation

2006-12-04T00:13:00.000-08:00

The worst of any and all things

Bringing loneliness, desperation

O The questions filling our souls,

where do we or any belong here

Damned to flames of destruction

Our hearts to experience,

a very worst of anything

Release found in suicide

No longer needing to feel

Suicide of our many hearts

Crying out into empty space

To never feel, kill one thing

The only thing that is true

That will truly ever matter

Damned to the flames of destruction

Our heart’s being burnt forever ever

The scar left over never truly healing

Damned to the flames of destruction

We imprisoned our own souls

The flames that burn we feed

With our hatred they’ll grow

Our souls, screaming children

Shouting, shrieking, bawling

Horror of our own deeds

Our friends turning away

Off to torture their owns

Brevity is our life of pain

Can we ever in all the world

know why we commit suicide

Hangings of our own souls

Murder of our own hearts

Suicide of one importance.

Over the distances fathom

A great truth of immensity

Kill our souls for numbness

Lack of feeling, shuffle on

Without sensation we can’t focus

No longer must we search for it

An answer, simple without feeling

We get to fall back into the bliss

Making the decision of indecision

That will never save us

Nor will it save our souls

We do meet death finally

With killing, child within

Hate filling our large hole

What shall we say to Him

We will fall we can’t stand

Only souls left in the end

Experiencing what we did

If we did never kill

What would we know

Would life continue

We to be one with him

meant to be sent

2006-12-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

This, my life, a hollow end to nothing.
empty, my soul, air does not fill me up
At a loss, I cry out, words on the winds
seems they to carry my thoughts away
not where they were meant to be sent.

Breath slowly,
take air in,
let it out.
control your thoughts, emotions.
breath in again,
focus your thoughts, emotions,
breath out.
be at peace.

sailing on the wind, powerful feelings surround.
bright sunshine on my face, who cares of me?
A pen in air, writing your thoughts, only good
Beauties come from that pen on to the papers.
sky blue, grass green, palms, birds, butterflies.
turning there are dark clouds,death, judgment
there is a wind and the hateful evil stack whisks.
fire quickly consumes them and beauty returns
where are the good papers, they also are gone.
a voice on the winds calling to me to listen to it.

these stacks do not matter,if they had you would die.
mostly from all the grief, but that's besides the point.
what really matters is how you had responded to him
the one who controls that pen, paper, wind, and fire.
The one who may or may no be your best friend.

It's not about sides, Don't we get it yet?

2006-12-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

When we look at this world what do we see? Beauty love compassion peace good stillness, lust anger greed war hate evil. When we look at this world what do we see? Do you see what I see, do you see love hope evil yet good coming after, death but life at the same time. Or do you see death with no end, hate with no end, life that ends without hope, science that points to nothing that matters, desperation of men trying to fix their spot in heaven?
When I see that world, I see the life in it as under an evil spell, which some day will be lifted and revealed to be the effect of all our evil deeds. I see a purpose in life not just to live right but to live right because you personally know who created this world. I don't live doing good things to prove any worthiness to some god so he will accept me, what kind of god would ever want to do that anyway, would you? I do good because I know Him, and what a blessing it is to do good. When I see death I see enlightenment of a soul burdened with hate and love in the same heart, and whether that heart bears love or hate for Him determines where that soul will go. But here's the thing, God does not punish us for our sins, the "judgement" we get is our own decision, and we either have chosen to love God and his ways or hate God and his ways. If we hate God, then we don't want to be with him, and that is what Hell is, simply the separation of our souls from God. Let us remember that. God only carries out our choices, and that is with Great saddness in his big heart.

years and probabilities

2006-12-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

In eternity we find the existence of a speck, some turtles, or a god. Now here's the question. If we believe in a speck, we must have faith in it's forever existence. You also have to know that a simple cell is made up of at least 600 proteins, and a simple protein is made up of 100 amino acids. The time it would take to create one simple protein in a primordial soup on earth would be 15 billion X 10 to the power of 60, which equals 1.5 with 70 zero's behind it, or 15000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years. But here's the real crunch, thats just one protein, you need at least 599 more and then they have to somehow fit into the right places. The true probabilities are in truth, much more then what scientists call impossible.

If there is a God, you can do away of all those numbers because with a divine power numbers mean nothing. At least when you have a god who created everything you don't have to believe in something that existed all by it'self for eternity and then believe that by chance we became who we are by mutations of the slightest degree over time.

pertaining to the previous

2006-11-29T22:25:00.000-08:00

There seems to be one problem with this view. If everything is fake reality, nothing exists and we can rationalize everything we want, then:
If everything is fake, what’s the purpose to life in this very real yet fake looking universe?
If nothing exists but us, what is the point of it other then a test of some kind?
If we can rationalize everything we want to, why do we even bother rationalizing it, and what makes us feel as if we need to?

I propose that everything we see must be real, and if it is not real, it doesn't matter because were not going to escape it's bonds over us. If your an atheist then you must view this world as being very real, if you are merely a philosopher then you must also view this world as real. otherwise it can only be some mean game by a god somewhere who loves toying with our minds into this reality. But seeing that toying with our minds would get very boring after a while, I do not think that is very much of a good answer either. It would be like playing the same level on the same video game over and over. Even small unintelligent humans get bored of that after a few hours... how about a mind that can think of all this and then have the power to put it into action, no I don't think so...
If your religious then you probably also agree that the world is very real.
Great were all on the same page, the bonds over the universe are to great to battle with even if they were fake, so were not getting out of it. Might just as well figure out what it all means then?
What is our purpose here, where do we come from, what made us-if not a big boom from some unknown speck of dust. where did the big bang come from, was it always here? where did the thing which created the big bang come from if the speck of dust wasn't always here? Everything has a beginning and maybe an end, not sure about that, but at least a beginning...
An interesting thing is this, the speck of dust had a beginning, if it wasn't created by a god of some kind, then it has always been here. The turtle theory of a North American First Nations tribe is a very interesting story. It begins with two men, one from Europe and one originally from NA, the north American was explaining how the world sits in the stars and does not fall down. The First Nations person explained that the world sat on the back of a turtle, so the European asked what the turtle stood on, the NA replied that it stood on the back of a larger turtle. Then the European asked what the second turtle stood on, The North American replied that it also stood on the back of an even bigger turtle. The European again asked where that turtle came from and the NA responded by saying, "don't you get it, it's turtles all the way down". These three views all have something in common. They all encompass eternity. One the eternal existence so a speck of highly compounded energy, another the existence of a god who made that speck, and finally the existence of a stack of turtles that carries down forever.
No matter where we come from or what were saying all of our stories of origins of life or matter share eternity in them, something Ironically that we can't comprehend.

Interconnected islands upon a sea of fake reality.

2006-11-27T22:06:00.000-08:00

There is something we all need to remember, we are islands, yet were a great mass of interconnected pieces. We all have our Niche, we all have to connect with others for support, encouragement and emotional stability. Yet on the other hand we all experience different things, even when were standing next to each other. I think therefore I am is a famous way of a realization of your own existence, but there is no way we can possibly prove the existence of other people. It all stands on what we call real and unreal. What we believe is real and unreal. Really, it's all belief anyways, sure there seems to be overwhelming proof, but it's just proof. This is the same as holding a stick, and seeing a picture of a stick. it seems to be there for sure and there is ample proof in the photo, but really, it could have been photo shop, or any number of other things. So what do we do with this? We need reality, we can not function without the idea that things truly exist and that these things affect us. But at the same time, we are alone in this world, this vast domain of possibilities, be it real or fake. This is the same argument we can use for religion or atheism, both arguments can't be proven for sure, and neither can be disproved. Just as we see evolution, is it real or is it a bunch of charts and interpretations of graphs? What we make of anything can tell us anything. We can rationalize anything into fact or disprove anything with foggy positions. What we know, do we really know it? When asked how we know the earth is round, how do we respond? Oh it's round because I can go that way and eventually get right back here. Well the second man may ask, have you ever tried. We say no, of course we haven’t. Then how do You know for sure? asked the second man. Knowledge that we know, isn't really true unless we can prove it, sure scientists say it's round, but do we just trust them and carry on with our lives? Having a real knowledge is very important to what we can trust. Again, what we know, do we really know it? We make our own destiny mainly by what we believe in and how we react to it. How loyal we are to our own positions. Seeing that we are alone, with a destiny in front of us, what do we do with it all, what's it's purpose? Why are we really here, and who do we actually communicate with when it's all over and done with? Do we simply fade away into nothing? Is that even possible? You tell me.

O poor number 1

2006-11-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

I was just reminded by one of my friends that number 1 really should never be alone. Sure there are times when we need to get away, but when were away, are we really alone? Who really knows, can you feel it, do you feel it. Perhaps a presence of maybe some kind of feeling. But I would purpose that we truly are not alone. The reasons for this are of course the complexities of nature, maybe the colors of the sky. It has to be something that is there but not there at the same time. So now number one is really alone. Either it's together or alone, but horribly alone.

number 1

2006-11-26T14:09:00.000-08:00

When I think of one I often think of something alone or possibly in an attitude of indifference. Either it's saying help, or stay away. I normally don't like that number. There doesn't seem to be any hope for this number. I find myself thinking that a lot of people are like number 1, by themselves and either calling out for people or running away from them. On the other hand it isn't always a bad thing I know we need to get away from it all, we need to be alone sometimes, and the only way to do so is to go. To really leave, and find a place that suites you and just to think. Thats why I'm writing this, I wanna provide a place for anyone to come, read write their own ideas and to get away to think and feel quietness. Hopefully, I can provide something to think about, and maybe I can acctually provide something, hopefully. Who knows,