Saturday, May 5, 2007

knowing our death

It was a good thing that God did not decide to let us see our deaths, for some of us would go on sinning, some would stop, others would die right then, and God wouldn't really be giving us free will after that. Letting us emotionally experience our own death before it even happens is a cruel thing to do, it could be compared to day dreaming your parents death and feeling the pain that comes from it.
Yet I do find myself wishing I could know, and then work for God because I knew death was coming and working hard for God, because there is no greater dread then knowing what kind of bad things are coming, like probation's, spanks, dog bites, falling, or breaking bones. Yes fear, the great motivator.
Let us be thankful that God is a God of love, mercy, and jealousy. Guarding us, bringing pleasure to us, and simply filling us up with energy and love. Is it not healthy for us to reflect on how good God has been to us? A true way to become humble. Which brings me to a funny quote.
""Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast."" [Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen]

Back to the real point of deaths foreknowledge. A terribly comic example would be an old man dieing of heart failure, because he saw his death coming and was terribly distraught by it, so he fulfilled it's prophecy because he was scared of that prophecy. Another thing is that by seeing that you die at 78, you might become an extreme risk taker because you know you won't die until 78. I wonder how much our persona would change because we saw our own deaths. I imagine no one would be the same, and how many would change for the worse because of it?
Really it's a good thing that we never see our own deaths. What if I wouldn't want to die like that, and I tried to kill myself? hmm I wonder if you went around trying to change it constantly, yet never succeeding, does that mean your freedom of choice given by God would not exist any more? I imagine so, it's a restriction, which is just another way of saying it.
I guess knowing our own deaths is all-round bad.


Today was an interesting day.
Filled with sad things, happy things, breaking things and fixing things, buying and not buying.
A typical day off, completely on my own, and enjoying life's simple pleasures.
Typical even to the point of my sins. I did however have an interesting re-introduction to the ways the devil lies and deceives us.
Before I sinned today, I was conversing to the devil, or one of his many crafty employees. He was trying to convince me to do ___ and used a variety of methods to get me to do it. I hope most of us have experienced this, or I am an unfortunate soul. Anyways, as I was saying, the whole time I could see right through what the demon was saying, yet because he just got me thinking about it I did it. Horrible isn't it, they always need our willing consent before we do something wrong, they can't simply make us do it, they have to convince us to do it, promise satisfaction, happiness, peace, even joy. All we get in the end is an empty feeling, an addiction, disconectedness from God, and possibly the sting of guilt. Which is then used to torture us even more by those demons. Yes this horrible spiral of sin we seem to always be stuck in is horrible, yet contemplatively interesting. As interesting as thinking about how people "push the buttons" of their spouses, especially seeing that they have to live with them after the act. It's also as interesting as observing that a tourist is as much or more stressed during his vacation then before and after.
Yes, I love determination. It is sad however that we humans rarely see into the future long enough to recognise that sin will kill us and it's not worth anything at all because, it is all sub-standard and not comparable to the gratification of living a pure life with God. O how I wish that I looked into the future each time the devil was on my shoulder.

Friday, May 4, 2007

thank you

Sometimes, everyonce in a while, we find it hard to express ourselves.
Our ideas, our emotions, our fantasies and dreams, even the things we hold sacred or holding an indirect meaning to ourselves. In my own mind I think one of the hardest things to communicate is gratitude. This is of course, not the simple handshake or thank you.
I mean those times when someone does something for you, and all you want to do is break down and relate to them how wonderful the thing they did was. We are overcome by this huge emotional need to thank and convey true gratitude to them. But rarely do we actually do this. I think this is mostly because we do not want to make a scene, and don't want to feel awkward. Although, this might also be a protection for our necks. We might not do it because we are afraid to let this thing out which is so close to our hearts. Perhaps that person will take our open heart and stab a hole in it with a sad remark or a snappy attitude. We don't know what will happen to us and letting our guard down like that might just be asking for trouble. Who knows, it's illogical that someone would do that, but it's also possible. But hey, people are irrational too. Seeing that it's more likely to get hit by lightning then be attacked by a shark, and were scared

We can be sure of one thing though, we know what were like and most people aren't all that different then ourselves, so they probably would react the way we would. Lets keep that in mind.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Just because and implications.

Is it not an interesting thing, we have impulses. We want something... in an instant your mind goes from something to something else. Perhaps from abstract to lusting, in an instant. Bang.
Specifically where did "the impulse of want" ever come from anyways?
Seriously, when did we start wanting things that we don't have. When did people start being selfish?

Interesting that supposedly decent behavior is never dealing with this impulsive desire to gain.
In fact it normally is founded on an idea of putting others in front of you or making them more important then yourself.

Another strange thing is this crazy fight within us, you know the shoulder angel and devil. I find it mostly crazy that these two things being; feelings, thoughts, desires, even knowledge, are in such conflict with each other. Really deep down it's this idea we have in ourselves of telling other people, by our deeds, that they are special and deserve good treatment, or that they are not important and deserve no special treatment from ourselves. Every day we are telling people whether they matter or not by our deeds. Really it boils down to this. If there were no other people, then being selfish and prideful wouldn't matter at all, those words wouldn't even exist. It only matters when we bring other people into the picture. That's why we always need to be in control of ourselves, and that includes our impulses.