Wednesday, October 10, 2007

songs are more then poetry, so much more.

You know what amazes me, the way a lot of bands that would be regarded as being bad or indecent come out with some really amazing things.  One of the best examples of this to me right now is Evanescence, they really come out with thought provoking and challenging lyrics for a lot of their songs.

One good example of this is the song which deals with the guilt of blaming yourself for the pain of separation for a loved one.  It is amazing how artists can be so frank with feelings and emotions.  Songs really can open the door into the workings or a human mind and how we work through things, both the right and wrong ways.


Out on your own,
Cold and alone again.
Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me,
Set your guilt free.
Nothing can hold you back now.

Now that you're gone,
I feel like myself again.
Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

To let you blame it on me,
And set your guilt free.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

I can't change who I am.
Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me.
And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up.
My love wasn't enough.

And you can blame it on me,
Just set your guilt free, honey.
I don't want to hold you back now love.

I often find it scary how people can let go of things, and others they can't.  It has been often recorded that a couple who have lived together for most of their lives will sometimes die within a few weeks of each other, the human heart dies along with the one it loves.  A human is more then blood and flesh, we are connected on a deeper way than anything else in this universe, a way that nothing can ever compare too.  In thinking this, who can ever tell how much pain a person goes through when their lover has lost their love for them and they are left alone for years, tormented, living yet dead at the same time.

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Thailand short report

Well It has been a very long time since I have said anything, you might have just assumed that I had fallen off the side of the planet...

Well if the world was flat then you would have been correct.
Yes I was on the dark side of the planet, the crazy side, the side that just seems to be upside down in many aspects of all and everything...  Interested?

Well in a short, fast 15 seconds, I went Prayer walking in Laos, spent a day in the shady border of Thailand and Burma, taught English to children, visited many missionary's, went to Bangkok, the beach and spent a many number of hours cramped between awesome Asians.  Yah there was a lot of time spent in traffic, mostly because the max speed you can go on the roads is about 60 (mostly because either the roads are too curvy or I don't know), and there was a lot of distance between all the places that we went to.
We did five weeks of stuff in three, but it was awesome.

After all that the group leaders left for home and the rest of us stayed for an extra 4 weeks of vacation/heavy duty traveling.  We first stayed at the beach for a few extra days and then headed to Bangkok by plane.  After that we headed to the capitol of Cambodia for a few days, and then up to Angkor Wat, which is a wonder of the world and is really a spread out complex of temples built at different times.  From there we flew to Singapore and spent a few days there shopping but not buying because everything was fairly expensive.  From there we went into Malaysia to Kuala Lumpur and stayed for a few days, going to malls and events and buying things from both malls and markets.  Then we went back to Singapore for a few more days to await our flights back to Bangkok.  When we were in Bangkok we only had a weekend left and we spent the time hanging out in malls and shopping in Giant markets and buying lots of stuff.  After that we hopped back on planes to Canada.  It was really sweet.

So that's basically my short report on the trip.  I have plenty of stories but there are too many to tell.  Besides this is getting long already.
In all, it was awesome and very worth the time and money spent for the memories and perspective opening experiences.

Friday, August 31, 2007


Well it has been a while hasn't it?

I have some interesting news about myself, I think it's rather awesome.
I'm in Thailand right now and it's pretty sweet.
I went on a mission trip with Mount Carmel, and that has now ended, but a few others and I have decided to stay a bit longer for a relaxing holiday. Which has been great, but I'm a little burned by the sun right now, we spent yesterday on the beach. Today might be movie day because it'll be dark and cool in our rooms.
We plan on going to see Cambodia and Vietnam in the next few weeks and then back to Bangkok for our departing flights. But you never know about plans here our visas for vietnam might not work out.

Thats why I havn't been e-mailing or anything like that recently.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

book review

Hey everyone, guess what.
Harry Potter rules, and I don't care what they say.
I just finished reading the last book last week and decided that it's amazing!
It's just really good writing and a great story, sure it's dark so maybe tiny kids shouldn't read it... but it's a classic and always will be.  I encourage reading the books for enjoyment.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


You know what I find most interesting thing about creation?  I think it has to be the idea of actually creating something.
When God created something, that's just it, he made something from scratch, without any reference point at all.  It's insane.  Humans are very limited when it comes to creating things.  First there is the limitation of creating matter, hardest of all to do and easiest to prove.  Next we have the creation of non matter, like an invention or an idea.  We are unable to do that as well.  Can you actually think of a new color without mixing others?  Can we come up with the wheel without first seeing the rock roll down the hill.  Can you invent something without borrowing ideas from other things.  No, it's simply impossible.  We as humans are not able to create anything at all, we can invent, we can build upon, we can form theory's by throwing facts and hypothesis together, but only God can create.  The human race's knowledge is based upon building on facts, which have been proven.  
Perhaps this might have all sounded crazy, but look into it yourself, can you actually create something without borrowing an idea from something else?
In light of that I think we owe God our humbleness.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

lonliness, despair, and humanity.

It is an interesting thing, to be left alone for a time, and too much time alone can kill a person.

I have been alone for a few days now, and it has been terrible for me.
I have nothing to do, all the things I found enjoyment in I now detest and find boring.
I don't know what to do with myself.  I am lonely.  I know I will get through this, but it is so hard to just be here and be alone.
Man is not meant to be alone, I can now feel this to the core of myself.  There is so much truth in this statement that it is scary.
Yet, when people are in this house, I find no trouble in not paying attention to them and doing my own thing.  I am not bored and I do not feel lonely.  Just knowing that someone is here in case I need them is a huge thing.  I wonder if it would be better for man to have an enemy instead of being bored, which would be worse?
I think that being completely alone would be worse, you would probably end up killing yourself, or becoming so enveloped and in twined within yourself that to meet someone would be terrible and you might become completely insane because of it.
Why does being around people keep up sane and help us to feel more complete, even if they don't talk to us much.  What is it?
I would venture to say that being in a community is the most important need a human has.  And if this is true then why?  Why can't we be true hermits, sure there are hermits, but even they have to be in contact with other people at times.
Yet I see this whole thing as a complete indication to the human soul.  Without a purpose we have nothing to stay alive, and it is these people who kill themselves.  Suicide normally is a reflection of despair, lack of purpose, and a lack of love (in their perspective).  Without purpose we are nothing.  Yet animals tend to not share this trait.  Yet more, being alone can be communicated by others to us, it is as easy as telling someone that they are not worth your time, separating them into a different class, maybe your the only one in that class...  Maybe your the only one who truly doesn't fit in, and maybe your being told to leave forever.  

To be separated, is death, and that may not mean death of a body, it is death of a soul, and then the body follows suit.  It is true that a mans body withers away when the person inside loses all motivation to live any more.
The homeless people that we see today have no purpose, and we wonder why they do not, it is because we do not see them, we walk by without even looking.

Young Will in grade seven committed suicide because people hated him, Mary did because no one wanted to even look into her eyes.  If only we looked at what our actions really could do to others before we made them.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

The way I see it - starbucks cup

Many people search blindly for the meaning of life.  What they don't seem to understand is that life does not have meaning through mere existence or acquisition or fun.  The meaning of life is inherent in the conections we make to others through honor and obligation.

A possible christian perspective:

Many people search blindly for the meaning of life.  What they don't seem to understand is that life does not have meaning through mere existence or acquisition or fun.  The meaning of life is inherent in the conections we make to others and God through honor and obligation.

I really liked this because it was a great example to me of how the secular world isn't necessarily a bad world, and this shows how close it can come to truth.  To real truth.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Rhyme and Rrhythm

A children's rhyme.

Basketball hoops
and dogs in loops
causing a fret
but don't regret
children are happy
the trees are sappy
causing a mess
who'd make a guess
munching on burgers
becoming burglars
back to your station
to sink a ship
with magic whip
O what a delight
it is to take flight
to be a child 
and be set wild.

Pictures of Man and God

Come with me if you want,
beyond this world and into the next.

We shall see things
you couldn't imagine
everything you desire
will be brought to you.

Look to the right, waterfalls
to the left, two suns
everything is under your control
fireflies lighting your paths
a lion conversing with you
as you walk to the great city.

Possibly there is a great empire here
one that you command and rule
the empire that you rule is in peace
tranquility found in every corner.

Look out your window and see
people scurry, birds glide, waves crash
the smell of flowers wafting inside
a golden haze from the setting suns
your servant glides past you
the taste of fruit entices.

As the sun sets you discover 
that this was how life is meant to be
life was not about getting possessions
neither was it to be filled with malice
now let us sit down and decide
what the true purpose of life is.

What is the pension of a pigeon
or the salary of a swallow
who causes the sun to rise or fall
or the moon to cast nightingale?

Do you watch how water falls 
onto a rock and casts off
over the heights of high cliffs. 

Yet it is then forgotten
as it becomes the sea
it is the same with love
grand and once beautiful
it is forgotten in a quarrel
it's purpose is in Gods mind alone.

The waters power seen
and its beauty perceived
yet we quarrel over it
forgetting the ways of God
as we slander our way on
onward and into history.

History often repeats itself
we forget this each occurrence
yet from time to time
we look upon the beauty again
coming back to it's purpose
being astounded by it's figure.

People again causing questions
looking back on the legitimacy of God
debates again formed n the subject
ideas and "facts" formed, "theory" idealism
tolerance exhibited, embittered enemies
wars and fights, then all is forgotten.

Perhaps we stand only on an idea,
maybe a hope or ideal is in store
however if it all proves true 
then the victory is ours forever
this destiny fulfilled and destiny
it rises in believers to perfection.

Those people who once stood in shame
are then revealed to be sons of God
they will smell of roses and fruit
they will walk with justice and love
they will be true and light hearted
their eyes will glow and show true joy.

At the end of time
they will be the victors
at the end of time
they will be glorified.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

knowing our death

It was a good thing that God did not decide to let us see our deaths, for some of us would go on sinning, some would stop, others would die right then, and God wouldn't really be giving us free will after that. Letting us emotionally experience our own death before it even happens is a cruel thing to do, it could be compared to day dreaming your parents death and feeling the pain that comes from it.
Yet I do find myself wishing I could know, and then work for God because I knew death was coming and working hard for God, because there is no greater dread then knowing what kind of bad things are coming, like probation's, spanks, dog bites, falling, or breaking bones. Yes fear, the great motivator.
Let us be thankful that God is a God of love, mercy, and jealousy. Guarding us, bringing pleasure to us, and simply filling us up with energy and love. Is it not healthy for us to reflect on how good God has been to us? A true way to become humble. Which brings me to a funny quote.
""Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast."" [Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen]

Back to the real point of deaths foreknowledge. A terribly comic example would be an old man dieing of heart failure, because he saw his death coming and was terribly distraught by it, so he fulfilled it's prophecy because he was scared of that prophecy. Another thing is that by seeing that you die at 78, you might become an extreme risk taker because you know you won't die until 78. I wonder how much our persona would change because we saw our own deaths. I imagine no one would be the same, and how many would change for the worse because of it?
Really it's a good thing that we never see our own deaths. What if I wouldn't want to die like that, and I tried to kill myself? hmm I wonder if you went around trying to change it constantly, yet never succeeding, does that mean your freedom of choice given by God would not exist any more? I imagine so, it's a restriction, which is just another way of saying it.
I guess knowing our own deaths is all-round bad.


Today was an interesting day.
Filled with sad things, happy things, breaking things and fixing things, buying and not buying.
A typical day off, completely on my own, and enjoying life's simple pleasures.
Typical even to the point of my sins. I did however have an interesting re-introduction to the ways the devil lies and deceives us.
Before I sinned today, I was conversing to the devil, or one of his many crafty employees. He was trying to convince me to do ___ and used a variety of methods to get me to do it. I hope most of us have experienced this, or I am an unfortunate soul. Anyways, as I was saying, the whole time I could see right through what the demon was saying, yet because he just got me thinking about it I did it. Horrible isn't it, they always need our willing consent before we do something wrong, they can't simply make us do it, they have to convince us to do it, promise satisfaction, happiness, peace, even joy. All we get in the end is an empty feeling, an addiction, disconectedness from God, and possibly the sting of guilt. Which is then used to torture us even more by those demons. Yes this horrible spiral of sin we seem to always be stuck in is horrible, yet contemplatively interesting. As interesting as thinking about how people "push the buttons" of their spouses, especially seeing that they have to live with them after the act. It's also as interesting as observing that a tourist is as much or more stressed during his vacation then before and after.
Yes, I love determination. It is sad however that we humans rarely see into the future long enough to recognise that sin will kill us and it's not worth anything at all because, it is all sub-standard and not comparable to the gratification of living a pure life with God. O how I wish that I looked into the future each time the devil was on my shoulder.

Friday, May 4, 2007

thank you

Sometimes, everyonce in a while, we find it hard to express ourselves.
Our ideas, our emotions, our fantasies and dreams, even the things we hold sacred or holding an indirect meaning to ourselves. In my own mind I think one of the hardest things to communicate is gratitude. This is of course, not the simple handshake or thank you.
I mean those times when someone does something for you, and all you want to do is break down and relate to them how wonderful the thing they did was. We are overcome by this huge emotional need to thank and convey true gratitude to them. But rarely do we actually do this. I think this is mostly because we do not want to make a scene, and don't want to feel awkward. Although, this might also be a protection for our necks. We might not do it because we are afraid to let this thing out which is so close to our hearts. Perhaps that person will take our open heart and stab a hole in it with a sad remark or a snappy attitude. We don't know what will happen to us and letting our guard down like that might just be asking for trouble. Who knows, it's illogical that someone would do that, but it's also possible. But hey, people are irrational too. Seeing that it's more likely to get hit by lightning then be attacked by a shark, and were scared

We can be sure of one thing though, we know what were like and most people aren't all that different then ourselves, so they probably would react the way we would. Lets keep that in mind.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Just because and implications.

Is it not an interesting thing, we have impulses. We want something... in an instant your mind goes from something to something else. Perhaps from abstract to lusting, in an instant. Bang.
Specifically where did "the impulse of want" ever come from anyways?
Seriously, when did we start wanting things that we don't have. When did people start being selfish?

Interesting that supposedly decent behavior is never dealing with this impulsive desire to gain.
In fact it normally is founded on an idea of putting others in front of you or making them more important then yourself.

Another strange thing is this crazy fight within us, you know the shoulder angel and devil. I find it mostly crazy that these two things being; feelings, thoughts, desires, even knowledge, are in such conflict with each other. Really deep down it's this idea we have in ourselves of telling other people, by our deeds, that they are special and deserve good treatment, or that they are not important and deserve no special treatment from ourselves. Every day we are telling people whether they matter or not by our deeds. Really it boils down to this. If there were no other people, then being selfish and prideful wouldn't matter at all, those words wouldn't even exist. It only matters when we bring other people into the picture. That's why we always need to be in control of ourselves, and that includes our impulses.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Pain: The gift nobody wants.

"If I held in my hands the power to eliminate physical pain from the world, I would not exercise it. My work with pain-deprived patients has proved to me that pain protects us from destroying ourselves. Yet I also know that pain can destroy, as any visit to a chronic pain center will show".

"Having spent my life among people who destroy themselves for a lack of pain, I treasure these signals. Pain signals in stage one report in loudly and insistently so that their message will seize consciousness and bring about a change in behaviour. To silence the signals before changing behaviour is to invite the risk of far greater damage: the body will feel better while getting worse".

Having read this book I mostly agree with this, that pain in it's largeness is normally a good thing. Sure there are exceptions, like terminal patients who experience pain only as a reminder of their coming death. But if we did not feel pain, we would essentially be lepers. Wouldn't that be exciting. For now all I can do is suggest that you read the book, it is rewarding and thought provoking. Thank God for pain.

To God

In the depths of my soul
searching in for purpose
something I can rely on
something I find fulfilling

passions stirring in my heart
this filled cup's spilling over
my souls caught in eternity
beauty beyond understanding

Caught in your gaze I am
this love has no direction
no boundaries my eyes see
air's true, now there is no air

The only sky can be your face
shining these truest colors
delighting onto my cheeks
love founded to be true anew

do not leave me falling to dark
blackness shall fill my spirit
craving with no deliverance
the only sky can be your face

Friday, April 6, 2007

a time for hate.

You know what I hate?
I hate how sin gets into us and changes us.
I hate how sin is just a tweak, and that it's destructive.
I hate that sin is a tweak, and so it doesn't seem bad.
Yet it's taking us away from beauty that we should have,
a beauty that really gives us amazing rewards,
things better then a simple poor excuse for a
rewarding experience.


Think. Think contemplatively.
Where would you right now, find the most serenity?
What do you see right now in your mind, where are you traveling right now?
It's an interesting word.

Let me paint you a picture, I am sitting beside and beneath a waterfall. The sun is shinning, and it's a warmly hot day, perfect for the mist to come down and gently caress my face, almost as if someone is comforting you softly. But wait, no, it's us we are both sitting there, the sun poking holes in the shade, their dance ordained by the winds soft currents. There are butterflies, baby blue, yellow, cherry purple, and monarchs. They don't speak to us, but it's almost as if they are easing us to lie down, lie close and watch the trees sway while being calmed by the gentle thunder of the waterfall up ahead. The moss soft, mountains stretching far, clear blue skies, and rich soil. Time for a sleep, time for a nap, just ease those eyes shut, don't close them fast or you'll wreck the moment, our sentences trailing off into enjoyed silence. We are at peace, life is perfect for these moments, God seems to have come down, life stills, the water has slowed down to a crawl, and then stops. We have fallen asleep, peaceful sleep. Where we can relax and dream about the perfect moments in our lives (if you want you can take that moment now), just like the one that just passed.
Dream if you want for a minute.

What a wonderful world we live in, what an absolutely wonderful world, where we can all get along and live, where we can see beauty if we choose to.

The most beautiful thing I have ever seen, most people think is ugly. The most beautiful thing I have heard of is grotesque, the most wonderful thing I could thank for is appalling.
Yet we live in a world of beauty. The second,

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,

But I do know what to do, I can go after you, and love you, and Cherish you as a person whom God created, who God made in an image like himself, a being who is unique, special and divine, even with all your shortfalls, you have one thing on me, your you. I may not be able to live with you, or have a family with you, but your you and we could be deep, deeper then spouses. You would be as a brother or sister to me, and our relationship pure, pure as gold.
We live in a beautiful world.
It just needs a little light, a little light so people can see it clearly. Perhaps this world is so beautiful that we might, as people, aspire to be beautiful too.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Losing our spiritual abilities and senses

"What can you see" says the man who cannot see. But the deaf man said nothing , for he was choosing to ignore the blind man. The mute man became angry at the deaf man, and signaled to him that he should say sorry. The blind man had no idea of what was going on, but was glad to hear the apology. The deaf man thought this whole thing was useless and voiced his opinion to the two others. The mute man thought of an easy way to get out of their predicament, but the blind man didn't see him signal any of the words and began to walk away. The deaf man had no idea the blind man was walking away, and became frustrated when he saw the mute man throw a stone at the blind man to get his attention. The blind man got fairly annoyed at the mute man for not being able to see the rock coming, he knew it wasn't the deaf man because he would have just called out. Finally the mute man sat down due to frustration by having become stumped for words to say.

I find this story holds many truths about life for us. We are sometimes one of these men, or all three. As we walk through life we may become blinded by pride, muted by shame or guilt, and deaf because of the distractions that fill our lives. The worst part is that we never were born like this, but we choose to become this way, were not blind, we just don't choose to look, Although to people around us, it seems we are blind. Working together, and with God requires that we are able to hear see and speak, other wise we will end up getting nowhere.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

hundred years

Laying down to slumber
Will I rise again tomorrow

who can count the stars
who can feel the life inside
other then you, only you
let the mind rest, to sleep

To sleep, quiet, relaxation
the body receives it's rest

the mind battles to be awake
the body gives up in despair
I to rest I to rest forever, no
but my soul will not disagree

If it were only possible today
to sleep a hundred years now

could I, if only today resting it
my mind finding peace for now
and then falling, slipping, quietly
into a hundred years, at peace

taking a leave of absence, hundred
coming again to a different world

relearning how to live, to live life
absence taking a toll and addiction
wanting sleep again, no, needing it
it's powerful escapism, today, now

to sleep a hundred years this day
to never find a peaceful rest again

Saturday, February 17, 2007

blinding himself

Who am I that in Gods eyes
I am considered created good
Yet I see myself as who I am
God has blinded himself to me
How can He love yet not look
He would see me, rotting away

Would I blindfold myself and kiss
Could I blind and kiss death now
If I did could I love it, not know it
would kill me later on tonight now
That is what my savior did, if He
only know what he was doing then
perhaps he would have refused it
and not blindedly love our races
death itself would wed Christ now
how can He love death, I am it.

tree of death
tree of life
bound together
forever A cross

Would not God Amighty forbid it
Would not sinners mock it now
Our race, bound to die in death
To death we may stay, for in God
Hope to be lost now, He tricked
many who sought life, now to it
Death for them, God can't love
something he does not see
He does not see us for we
us for ourselves not evermore
God can not love a lie, now
God can't love a sinner now
Because all he sees is white
But I am black, wearing a white lie
God covered me with that lie.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Talk about God.

My friend a few days ago just reminded me of a fear that I've always had, what if heaven is a lie?
What if it's really a lie, and a set back, a let down, something we might find to be hell.
What if Hell is where the fun loving people go and heaven the place where good devoted people go.
Here's to you Matt. Lets hope it all works out in the end, and it's not an eternity of sing a longs.

On other matters, the mentioning of the over use and slaughter of the word love caused me to think (mentioned in comments on my last post). It was important enough to the Greeks to have five words for it. Should we not have ten or so? This is English right, we need ten, mostly because our language sucks a lot. We need more words, and these words need to mean stuff not just object things or act things....

Some people have pointed out to me that Christian blogs are retarded, the points were valid, very valid and I completely understand how they would be frustrated by our Christian chit chat, and blah blah about love, God, life, blah. I do sympathize with them, I really do. However in my defense, I wonder what is worth writing about. Surly science, perhaps pop culture, maybe architecture, or philosophy, is worth writing about.

What in life is actually important enough to write about.

just maybe
The reason why Christians are so talkative about God is that, he's all we need, he's our strength, our peace, our soul, our way of life, our ability, our silence, our deeds, our life, our energy, our breath, our everything. Our God. Our GOD, OUR GOD!

my God, your God. He's still the same person, that same guy up there reading this with us right now.

He's someplace we can all meet together, on a flat plane we can meet and communicate without any walls in the way. The one place we can really communicate. It aint no wonder all Christians do is talk about Him. He's the connection that all brothers and sisters have with each other.

People search for meaning, there He is.
People search for depth, there He is.
People search for understanding, there He is.
People search for life, there He is.
People search for hope, there He is.
People search for faith, there He is.
People search for LOVE,
People search for taste,
People search for thought,
People search for wonder,
People search for God, and there He is. Really! He’s RIGHT there.

This is what I say,

Who made Adam? God did
Who made Eve? God did
Who deserves our life? God does
Who created us? God did
Who deserves the right to throw us to the lions? God does
Who is Love? God is
Who is power? God is
Who makes the rain fall and the skies thunder? God does.
Who deserves to be talked about for-ever? God does.
Who is Grace? God is.

We don't deserve nothin, so people who want to talk about science, let them, people who want to talk about their days journey, let them. Let people talk about anything they want, especially if it matters to them. But I reserve the right to talk about God. And I will not sit down.

Saturday, February 3, 2007


Do you judge me
Do I judge you.

I'm traveling towards the sun
Beauty turned to destruction

Who sees me flying with everything I have
Who can stop me and my flight to chaos

Can I stop myself
Will I stop myself

I am a racist
we are all alone
stuck in our racism
looking for a way to get out
finding ourselves portraying lies
portraying our stereotypes genuinely
I am not willing to step out into the realness
I cannot find the will to break my own stereotype
How do we then stop the deluge of a racial stupidity

We were meant to be something good
we've turned ourselves into a monster

our own selves into machines that kill people
we destroy everyone in our path to conformity
then expectations of people to act differently
the expectations never fulfilling expectations

Life will never be the same
Life will always carry on now

Except the ones who kill themselves
Except the people who jump off of it
Except our friends who are murdered
Except our buddies who fall to them
Except the friends who are blotted out
Except the ones who are thrown away
Except our people who have to run away
Except our friends who live afraid now
Except for the people who are lost now

My society is such a poor place to be
My love for it lies in its empty promise
Of peace, love, joy, happiness, equality
Who am I to stay in such an awful place
How can I accept the things which happen
Without standing out and calling for justice
Who am I to sit and watch the streets flood
People coming from all around calling for blood
Where the people are treated like animals
Where I can not find safety for friends
neighborhoods split by nationality
disparity is the king of all now
we have but one law
do as I say

The streets may not be crawling with people looking for a fight because of their pain. But one day it will happen, and when it does it will be a sad day indeed. Peace to reign, well without God there is never peace. Canada is around 10% Christian, we need a miracle to turn this country back to God. Something bigger then we've ever seen before. Racism is only a start.
What comes next I don't even want to think about.

Remember to Pray for Canada.
And always keep Darfur in your prayers as well.
Remember to pray for sex trafficking.
and always keep armed conflict in your prayers.
Don't forget the poor living ten blocks away from us.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Time Over Frivolity

I was just watching The Office today, and in came Krista. It was good to see her, really good. It reminded me of a few things that I have been neglecting. Primarily her.
I was reminded of three things. The first being that I have been wanting to hang out with her, the second was that I had promised to hang out with her, and i have failed that promise, the third being that she really deserves to have attention anyways. The fourth of course feeling bad about not hanging out with her when I should be, cause she's so awesome.

So I am sorry, and we should hang out some time soon...

On a lighter note, I want to sit and ponder about the way life seems to direct us into focused alleys, where we miss out on all the life that is going on around us.

Wouldn't life be much better if we didn't focus so much on making money and decided to use that extra time to hang out, go on cheap trips, give your wife a night well deserved, love a man stricken into poverty by the worlds selfishness.
Would any of these be better, more fun, more exciting, more relevant, and more moral? Why do we as Americans and Canadians, decide to work hard to make money, so we can buy the nice tv so we can rest for a few hours before going to bed to work another 11 or 9 hours. Why not instead, live with a few people, work 8 hours, live a little more modestly so we can help Billy (who lives just outside our window) get up on his feet again.

A wise man, my age, once said, today, that we share when we have nothing, and we stop sharing when we don't need to. Once we become self supporting we want to stay that way. but wait, were not really self supporting at all when we think about it. We specialize in one or two things. the rest we have no clue about. The settlers, they were self supporting, and even then not so much...
We share a culture, a city, a house, a block, a cable connection, an apartment. We share pretty much everything in our lives, except our tv, or our car, or our sink. We hold onto those things and don't let anyone use them very much, we say you can't take this away from me, it's all I have... And in a way it's completely true. They are the only things that are ours. What if we shared those as well? What would actually happen if we shared everything, even our shoes? Well we would probably have ten times less the TV's, half the shoes, maybe a quarter the coffee machines... hmm maybe working 8 hours a day doesn't seem so crazy?
The fact that life is only important when based on people we care about is killing us. If life were based on getting the most money, then we would be doing great. but were killing ourselves, now, right now. Were letting life slip away by wasting our time on things that don;t matter. Advancing to the next level doesn't matter when our brother is dieing. Lets face it, crises brings us to realize what is really important in life.

As one other person once said.
"a life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw.

When were making money, were not making right choices, were not even making mistakes. but were choosing to not choose, which is a choice. Were choosing to waste our lives away by not taking action.
Money is just one example. What we really need to do is check what type of things in our lives are sucking our time away because of frivolity. What is stealing our life time away?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

A picture of "sin"

I want to take a minute and talk about sin. Just a minute of your time please, it'll only be short, possibly long, and probably a devastating


Who said that? Who said that unmentionable word? Why would anyone ever want to know about this, we've all made up our minds as to what it means!

So, to be honest, what are we doing? Why do we ever need to mention the word sin?
The world wrote that off a while ago as a myth, the church never mentions it, they're trying to forget about it by focusing on the 'Joy of the Lord' or cute things like 'God loves you' maybe something like ' he'll save you, and forgive you'. Were weeding it out of our christian culture and replacing it with fluffy things.

I'm not here to poke holes in the church, there is a lot wrong with the church, but we can get by without making the holes any bigger. They're already there.

sin is an interesting thing, how often do we think about it? The world as I said doesn't believe in it, teachers are taught that kids aren't in essence evil, but are completely good, and are little flowers ready to blossom...

First of all kids are inherently evil, and the normally are already manipulating their parents before they even start to talk. That's for sure.

We know two things, sin is wrong, and we are prideful. We, being prideful, view ourselves as better then others, or even God. That's how we got selfish.
Sin is the idea that we do things against Gods Will. His Will is the actual one truth for our lives, the only proper way to live, the best way to live. Best because it is the most Joy-filled, friendship and love orientated life. People can only find real purpose in life by creating something that lasts and has influence. Friendship and love are the highest forms of these.
So sin really is saying that God doesn't want the best for us, and we need to find our own way, a better way, a way God never thought of... So sin is rejection of God, and his ways, which of course really should be our ways. So really pride is sin, and sins roots lie in our own pride.

Here's an interesting thing. We as human beings have needs, God created us with desires of purity, and our needs are right Noble and proper, God made us with them. So sin is the action of trying to fill our Noble and right needs with our own models of fixes to these needs. Putting a box in a circle... It kind of fits, and works for a little while, but never actually covers sufficient area of the circle. So we find a better shape, maybe an octagon, (traveling deeper in sin) it almost fits right, but still not quite. So we go through our lives trying to find our own circles that fit right, but we never do because nothing is exactly the right shape. Oh we can get close, we can get real close, close enough to feel great. Subbing God for Love is a good one, we can go through our whole lives feeling almost prefect.... So that means that sin is the search for right things or ways, but using the wrong methods.
We move through our lives looking for happiness, actually looking for joy, but never truly finding it. Our own devices give us happiness, which eventually goes away. But were looking for Joy, and joy is a little like happiness because it gives us enjoyment, but also gratification that we found the perfect shape that fits in the right way.
So Christians lose their joy when they sin and become separated from God, they take out the circle and put in a heptagon. After a while a feeling of emptiness arises, and they normally repent ( ask forgiveness for their deeds and express desire to be back with God) and put the circle back in. Filling them up again to full... They become separated from God, because they tell him to go away, they have a better way. Rejecting Him.

So we look for better ways even though there are none, while always saying we have the right way to live. Sin is a twisted form of truth, made a little different by us, that truth is a genuine and very right desire, but perverted.
Lets try to remember that when people ask us about dieing children in Africa, don't respond, they sinned, they deserve death (which is true). Even though it's true, it'll be taken very badly, normally because the people around us don't believe in God and find sin to be a myth of the last centuries, and it doesn't sound very caring of other people.
So we deserve death? Of course we do, but the only reason is because were sentencing ourselves to death.
Lets remember these things.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Gods pain.

Life is a strange thing, why is it so simple, so complicated and normal all at the same time?

Recently I have been thinking about emotional scars. I was just reminded of one that I have a few days ago. And it hit me. Wow God is amazing.
We give each other pain by using, abusing, fighting, betraying etc. These hurts don't go away, and when they heal, they never heal properly, they still show what had happened and those scars can stay for a long time. Years and years after the event. But over time they heal properly, normally, not always. We hurt from these, and they change the way we act around others, we don't want to get more hurt, we have enough to deal with. Here's the interesting thing, rejection and betrayal are the worst, they did like you, but now they don't, or they did like you, but your not good enough now. Simply put they go deep, deeper then most things ever go, and can change your life forever. Sometimes, when someone rejects you, you get mad, and lash out, maybe not, maybe we plan to destroy and hurt back. Maybe we just harbor grudges against them for the rest of our lives. Not with God.
Isn't it amazing that God; steps out, lays out his heart for us, creates us, and loves us, gives us that choice of loving him, then we step away, tell him he's not enough, and run away with is heart. We constantly hurt God, Were hurting him right now, were wishing for the Iphone instead of his love, or were planing how to get a girl instead of asking Gods will. All we mostly seem to do is sidestep God, and carry on. Yet he doesn't lash out, he doesn't take back his heart and wipe us out. He sent His Son, we killed him. He sent his creation, were destroying it. He sent us his friendship, we ate the apple. He created us, we killing ourselves. And it's all a statment of rejection against God, were stabbing him, and we keep pushing the sword deeper. No we won't stop, because were short-term minded stupid people.
Were prideful, enjoyment seeking, selfish beings who should all be burned forever by God's wrath.

We deserve supernatural spite,
were never getting that at all,
instead we'll take a sip of sprite.
Then watch Jill practise bBall.

Were terrible people, but sinners covered by grace some how look like good people who do good things. Thanks be to God for his lacking of Justice, and excess of grace.

Thursday, January 4, 2007


today ?

today ?

Where is that good old desire...

Why do people say that life is unfair, what gives them that idea?
People have said that life is a strange thing, now that is of course true, but why?
Why is life strange? why is desire for fairness strange or weird?

Isn't it weird that trees grow up instead of out?
And that beaches are really just fish pooh?

Isn't it weird that some trees grow flowers and some don't?
Or why they do at all... And why do most plants grow flowers?

Why don't we ever ponder these things? Sure, we know plants make flowers so bees come, but which came first the plant or the bee? Which plant suddenly decided to make flowers, and which bee became the first to inspect a flower for food? When did that food start to be produced for the bees?

I'm just saying, sure we know the science of these things, we know how they work. Great, so now we can use them, but knowing what something does never really truly explains it's own existence. Why is it here? The tree, for example is here to, well, be here, it has no real purpose, so why does it want to keep living? What gives it a desire to live that makes it fight off viruses and other things, or develop thorns over centuries? Does it feel pain? If not, why? If it does, that's terrible.

So where does desire come from?

No matter how much we may believe in evolution or not, there is no place in it for the creation of desire, neither the desire for food, or the desire for sleep, or the desire of anything, even the desire for life. We must remember that the desire to stay alive must have been present in the very first cell, otherwise it would not stay alive. To desire to keep on living can't be created by evolution. The cell wanting to stay alive would be a decision of conciousness, that first cell would not feel concious, nor would it have a brain to even think about desire. Seeing that pain is the response of our bodies to protect itself, which is in itself a desire, it is impossible to create. It is impossible for pain to exist, yet it does. A created machine can't have desire to keep itself from damage unless it is pre-programed to do it. and it can never create that because it has no ability to rationalize or think. The desire of self preservation is impossible to be self-created. Even a little program in a cell (the very beginnings of thought) can't be created because it would be useless for a long time before it did anything at all, and evolution is the slow advance by small steps, but all the steps have to be immediately useful each step... to that "yes or no" mechanism, for the beginnings of thought, would always be weeded out. Remember that it is a step by step thing, not a number of steps by a number of steps. so a thinking machine couldn't be created, only a thinking part, needing the rest of the machine to fully operate. Which means that the thinking part would be weeded out. Now, not only is it impossible to start wanting to live, but it is also impsooible to get a "brain" to even think about wanting to live.

What i'm trying to say is that desire to live can't be created by a being, a being can't be mutated to be able to desire anything, and that deisre really should not exist.
It all comes down to, what came before such and such. if desire is not created by us, or our so called ancestors, then where did it come from. The idea of desire is simple to us thinking beings, but try coming up with desire without the ability to think.

So where does desire come from?
Even the most simplest of desires?

Funny how a flower looks so pretty,

I'm sorry if you got lost in this, when I was working on it last night
half of it got deleted, so I had to try and tie my arguments back together with very little time on my hands.

Perhaps a weird thing like intelligence.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007


It seems like everyone reefers back to last year for some reason to bring out the new year. The funny thing is that I'm going to do it as well and even though everyone does I will too.

Last year took me through a lot, and half of that stuff was interesting. The other half was not worth anything. It seems that my life is split into three areas. sin, repentance and becoming right with God again. That's what last year was, just circle after circle of that, again and again. So, I'm going to say that last year was a year full or regret, tears, a few times of great joy, and monotony. There was also summer camp which was great.

Yes that was last year.

So why go on? I don't really expect anything very exciting to happen. so why go on?
I'm saved right. so I'm all good if something terrible happens to me and I die. To see God I need to die. Right?

So what keeps us all going?

I think other then the commandment for us to love others and live for God until our time comes there is no reason. Which kind of makes sense when there are so many people working hard to not think about the futility of their work or hobbies... And those that don't find something to keep their minds off it find that they are crazy or depressed. now these are big generalizations and they will stay like that because of course there are exceptions...
The only thing that keeps us going is the love of Jesus both for us and us for him.

I guess that's why we need to start our days and keep our focus on him all the time or we might get caught.